Pen and the Company Ink and All That…

I probably shouldn’t admit this since my track record for talking about crushes is less than stellar.

But I have to get this off my chest.

I’ve developed a crush on the Sales Manager/Engineer at my office. He’s 29 (almost 30), a fellow CSU-alum, and we have gotten along since the minute he walked into our office.

It’s also clear that he has a crush on me as well, and has for quite some time.

I’ve never had to deal with inter-office romances because my old job was working with a bunch of men who were married and most could be my dad.

So I just spent the last 5 hours at a happy hour with him and neither of us noticed how much time had passed. Except that the sun had gone down, that was our only indication of how late it was. And all of our conversations are that easy and stress-less.

What do I do about this? Do I let something happen between us?

I have been aware of his affections from day one, but have (unintentionally) sent mixed signals about my feelings in return. Up until recently, I felt completely platonic towards him, but for some reason, those platonic feelings have morphed into romantic feelings.

Take tonight for example. I went with him back to our office so he could grab his computer, and my first thought was “how scandalous this could  be!” Then, as I was standing and looking out over the western horizon of city lights from our conference room, he joined me and my thought was “this could be incredibly romantic… I wonder what it would be like to kiss him…”

Nothing happened, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that I didn’t pay attention at all to what he said to me and was instead playing out fantasies in my head while he was talking. I mean, really. We were in a dark, empty office all by ourselves!

As I said before, I don’t know what to do. Has anyone ever dealt with this? I have friends who met because he was her intern and now are married, so I know it can work out in the end. Could it work out for us? Can it not be awkward? Or is the possibility of the drama that would occur if things don’t work out enough of a deterrent and it should be avoided at all costs? Please! Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!

Thankfully The Roommate likes this guy, so I already have approval there. The Lawyer is also on board with it, too, but I think that’s more about winning a bet with himself about the fact that something happened when I so adamantly insisted that it never would.

For now, I’ll let it ride out and see where it goes. But I know those butterflies that have taken residence in my stomach wont let me forget my feelings any time soon… sigh…

 

Forgiveness… Is More Than Saying Sorry

What is this? Two posts in one day? Crazy, I know! I started writing this post in my head last night, but I’m still not 100% sure if I need to write this just to process or if I would like some insight/advice from you, my readers. So we’ll see once I get to the end…

The drama with Funny Man has continued, and I’m currently at an impasse as to what to do next.

He hurt me deeply, and as of a few days ago, I never wanted to even talk to him again. However, after I got an email from him with no hint of acknowledgement of things that have happened between us (so he’s either clueless or calloused…), it got me thinking: we briefly dated, but we were friends long before that.

And there was a reason I was friends with him in the first place. And was attracted to him the moment I met him. I’m drawn to him and as I’ve seen, that draw does not seem to have gone away.

I no longer have romantic feelings towards him– his inexcusable behavior has eradicated those feelings forever– but I realized I still would like to be his friend.

The realization of this feeling came as a complete shock to me. But I don’t know what to do with it. As I told The Roommate last night, I’ve never dealt with this kind of hurt from a friend before. From boyfriends/husband, well, that’s a whole other story. When he hurt me, we were acting as friends, so coming to him as a friend is how I need to approach him.

But I’ve never had a friend treat me so shitty. Well, I’ve had friends who completely ditched me in my moment of greatest need, but I have no desire to continue to be their friends, so they get a pass.

The thought of talking to Funny Man and confronting him with just how terribly he treated me is terrifying! But when his email showed up on my computer, my heart started pounding and I realized I was so mad because I still cared.

Damn!

So, in light of this revelation, I don’t know how to go about initiating this discussion and then once that discussion has been planned, how to handle it. I don’t mind confrontation, but I can’t remember the last time I called a friend out on their crappy behavior. And that’s what is holding me up.

Do I care enough about our friendship to put myself through the whole ordeal? Or can I live with the realization that I care and do nothing to rectify the situation? And if I don’t confront him, will I continue to act passive-aggressively towards him or will I be able to just let it go and act impassively about/towards him?

I think I do care about our friendship. And I think I REALLY care about getting an explanation from him about everything that happened. And to tell him that his actions really hurt me, whether he was aware of it or not, and whether he cares or not. And I really hate acting so passive-aggressively towards him– I feel petty and bitchy. Instead, I’d like to feel empowered and like I stood up for myself in the face of a careless friend.

And, as the title of my post suggests, the biggest question I need to ask myself is this: even if I stand up for myself and confront him, can I forgive him? Or has his behavior caused an irreparable rift between us that I can’t muster the forgiveness to overcome? Before any confrontation happens, I believe that is the biggest question I need to answer for myself.

So wish me luck as I get up the nerve to email him to ask him to get together to talk. I’m really not looking forward to this. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement you can offer me? Because I really need it!

To end on a lighter note, if you don’t recognize where my blog title is from, watch this clip (and then watch the movie because it’s one of the funniest movies ever!):

 

The Dating Pendulum

Dating can be like a pendulum.

I’ve dated enough to be able to look back and see how I would date Person A, react to the things I didn’t like by dating Person B who was the complete opposite of person A… and I’ve done that for as long as I’ve been dating. My most extreme example is when I dated California my freshman year of college who was not at all like the goody-two-shoes boys I knew in high school. I then dated The Debater my sophomore year who was ultra-conservative and extremely religious. I then dated The Bad Boy that summer… see a pattern?

Thankfully I broke my pattern of reacting to my ex’s conservativeness and/or religiousness, but I still end up going from one extreme to the other. Case in point: I dated The Narcissist and a couple of months later dated The Dud (alternately referred to as “Huh?”).

I know this pattern in myself and I pride myself on my new-found self-awareness, so I try to be aware of it when I start dating someone new, and especially when I’ve broken up with someone and go for the rebound date.

But my sister said something to me the other day that has gotten me thinking about all of this in a different light.

We were talking about Funny Man, who came to my birthday dinner bash and my sister sat across from him at the table. When I asked her what she thought of him, her response was “he was very fun and life of the party… like Voldemort (aka my ex).”

I should have prefaced her comment with this nugget of information: when Voldemort and I split, our friends had a really hard time grasping what had happened because “he’s just so much fun!” Which is true, but that didn’t mean that meant he was a good husband (or person for that matter). So, speaking of pendulums, I’ve been weary of “class clowns” ever since… maybe I’m not as self-aware as I thought…

Because of my hesitation to be around people who resemble my ex in any way, shape, or form, it gave me a jolt. “Oh shit!” I thought to myself. “What does this mean for me and Funny Man?” I started to have a tiny panic attack until a thought donned on me:

Just because there was something good about my ex doesn’t mean I have to avoid those traits like the plague.

Obviously, that doesn’t mean to just abandon my awareness or not heed what my sister said as being a potential warning (as L, my former counselor would advise: pay attention and see if it really is an issue or just a hiccup).

But I’ve been thinking about this a lot since my sister made that comment. I liked that people liked Voldemort. I liked that I could bring him with me to parties and he was engaging and fun and could easily make people laugh– even if it was at his own expense (there’s a notorious picture of him in a Santa flag… and nothing else…). That was 5 years ago, and I still laugh about it with my friends!

So does everything that is similar an automatic red flag? Or can I learn to appreciate the (few) good things that Voldemort brought to the table and even look for it in someone else? Or is that playing with fire?

The ultimate question being: can I find someone who is a responsible adult (with a stable job, lots of friends, etc) AND is sociable/funny. Or does being funny and charismatic automatically mean someone is a bum?

I really hope it’s possible…

 

DIY: Table Out of a Door

The Roommate found a blog or article (I don’t know the source) of someone who made a dining room table from an old door. Since The Roommate and I have attempted to be creative in ways to decorate our house, we lept at the opportunity to try it.

Because we found the idea via a blog, I will post a how-to for how we did it. Enjoy!

—

If you’re going to also embark on this crazy project here are some things you will need:

1) Someone who owns a lot of tools– saws, drills, paint brushes, gloves, safety goggles, etc.

– Bonus points if the person knows how to use said tools and can show you how to use them as well.

2) A LOT of patience

3) Enough space to sand, stain, cut and screw (hahaha)

4) A knack for catching opportunities to say: “that’s what she said”

5) Creative problem-solving skills for any/all problems that arise

Not knowing we’d need all that before we started, here’s what we did:

We researched architectural salvage places in Denver, which there are only 2, and went and got a door. We found one that had glass panes in it, so it was lighter and the glass looked cool in the center(ish) of the table. But come to find out, that also makes it a lot weaker and not as sturdy.

The door we got was an old patio door, so it was covered in paint. We wanted to have a natural-colored table, so now we had to use stripper to take it all off.

And scraped gently… Do not get that stuff on your skin.

After 3 rounds of stripper, and thousands of “that’s what she said” jokes, we could finally sand the door… Even if there was still snow outside (welcome to Colorado).

Make sure to get face masks– sawdust gets everywhere!

Once the door had been sanded and we told a thousand more “that’s what she said” jokes, we went to Home Depot and get 4 table legs. Strangely enough, when table legs aren’t attached to a table, they seem really short.

Anyway, we sanded those as well.

I just have to say, working with power-tools is so much fun! How come it’s only boys who are encouraged to use them? I think I might add a drill to my Christmas list…

After all of those had been sanded, it was time to stain. After testing different stains, we realized we liked the natural look of finishing, so we didn’t stain it at all.

We then mounted the legs onto the table (thanks dad!).

Be sure to not drill through the table… (*whew* that was one mistake we managed not to make!)

Once the legs are mounted, the table was usable.

What we thought was the last thing we had to do was put putty in all the windows since we scraped most of it out when we were stripping (hehehe) the table.

I had every intention of ordering glass to put over the table, but I kept putting it off. So we just had to get clever about where to put our plates and glasses.

After more than one dinner where I gave my dad the evil-eye for leaning too much on the table (meaning he was barely touching it), we realized we needed to add supports to the table. It would bow with the smallest amount of weight.

We had to brainstorm ways to mount 1×3’s to the table with brackets holding the table legs. It was helpful that my career involves working with numerous engineers– a couple of them gave me some great pointers. After a lot of measuring and routing, we got the 1×3’s ready to be mounted to the table and flush with the legs and each other.

After measuring out each side so the screws don’t hit (a lot harder than it sounds…), drill into the legs. This requires a lot more upper-body strength than I possess. We used a spade bit so we could cover the screw heads with “buttons” when we were done.

Next we drilled up through the board into the table. Again, don’t drill through the table!

It was amazing how much sturdier the table felt with the 1×3’s! And how much you can tell that the door and the 1×3’s are completely different wood… Oh well. As we’ve said throughout this whole process, it just adds more character.

The one good thing that came out of my brief relationship with A was that he “knows a guy” who sells glass for way cheaper than I was finding. Thankfully, after an awkward text messaging exchange with A’s dad, we got our glass delivered to our house. So if you have a way of finding cheaper glass, I highly recommend it! Dating cowards not recommended.

Once the screws were all tightened and the table was ready to go, we unwrapped the glass and gently placed the glass on the table. We put down rubber mounts so it doesn’t sit right on the wood.

We then put in “buttons” over the holes. We “stained” them with the same kind of finisher we used on the rest of the table.

And with that, we were done!

A HUGE thank you goes out to my dad, who, without his help and encouragement and teaching (and upper body strength), this table would still just be a door.

 

**Updated: If you would like to see all the pictures we took while making the door, go here. Enjoy!

 

Wherein I Ask You For Advice… (Updated)

Okay, my new (and some old) friends, I need your insight/input and maybe even your personal experiences with a current dilemma I’m having:

I have been dating this guy for the last few weeks– I met him when he walked up to my table at lunch and started talking to me. With how random our meeting was, we’ve surprisingly hit it off– we have a lot in common and there is definitely chemistry there 😉

It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way about a guy– my roommate has been making fun of me with how giggly and excited I get when talking about him. I believe the word to describe my feelings is twitterpated. I’m falling hard and fast for this guy, which is a whole different issue in and of itself, but I can’t help but look to the future…

The more I get my heart involved in this relationship, the more vulnerable I feel. I hate being vulnerable, so my feelings for this guy are making me freak out a little bit. But if I keep my emotions in check and my daydreams away from the sound of wedding bells, I should be fine.

Regardless of how much of a connection and chemistry there is, there is a BIIIIIIG problem with the relationship– he lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota… and I live in Denver, Colorado (a 14 hour car ride or $200 plane ticket away). So to add insult to injury, not only do I have to deal with my surfacing insecurities about letting myself truly fall for a guy, but I also have to deal with the prospect of a long-distance relationship. He comes to Denver about every other week– he has friends who live out here, which is how I met him in the first place– but I’m not sure that’s enough for me.

We text every day, talk on the phone every few days, but it’s just not the same. It doesn’t seem like he’s eager to move to Colorado any time soon, and I sure as hell don’t want to move to Minnesota (seriously, humidity? YUCK!). So tell me, am I taking this too seriously and should just enjoy it when he comes to town and forget the long-distance thing? Should I turn and run and not even be involved with him because it’s long-distance? Or is there some possibility that this could actually work out, regardless of it being long-distance?

Please help me, friends! I’ve never dealt with this before… What’s a love-struck girl to do?

*Update: This issue is no longer a pressing concern. The revelation of the existence of 3 kids kind of put a damper on the relationship… fun times! However, I’d still love to hear anyone’s insight about this topic!