I probably shouldn’t admit this since my track record for talking about crushes is less than stellar.

But I have to get this off my chest.

I’ve developed a crush on the Sales Manager/Engineer at my office. He’s 29 (almost 30), a fellow CSU-alum, and we have gotten along since the minute he walked into our office.

It’s also clear that he has a crush on me as well, and has for quite some time.

I’ve never had to deal with inter-office romances because my old job was working with a bunch of men who were married and most could be my dad.

So I just spent the last 5 hours at a happy hour with him and neither of us noticed how much time had passed. Except that the sun had gone down, that was our only indication of how late it was. And all of our conversations are that easy and stress-less.

What do I do about this? Do I let something happen between us?

I have been aware of his affections from day one, but have (unintentionally) sent mixed signals about my feelings in return. Up until recently, I felt completely platonic towards him, but for some reason, those platonic feelings have morphed into romantic feelings.

Take tonight for example. I went with him back to our office so he could grab his computer, and my first thought was “how scandalous this could  be!” Then, as I was standing and looking out over the western horizon of city lights from our conference room, he joined me and my thought was “this could be incredibly romantic… I wonder what it would be like to kiss him…”

Nothing happened, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that I didn’t pay attention at all to what he said to me and was instead playing out fantasies in my head while he was talking. I mean, really. We were in a dark, empty office all by ourselves!

As I said before, I don’t know what to do. Has anyone ever dealt with this? I have friends who met because he was her intern and now are married, so I know it can work out in the end. Could it work out for us? Can it not be awkward? Or is the possibility of the drama that would occur if things don’t work out enough of a deterrent and it should be avoided at all costs? Please! Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!

Thankfully The Roommate likes this guy, so I already have approval there. The Lawyer is also on board with it, too, but I think that’s more about winning a bet with himself about the fact that something happened when I so adamantly insisted that it never would.

For now, I’ll let it ride out and see where it goes. But I know those butterflies that have taken residence in my stomach wont let me forget my feelings any time soon… sigh…

Guess what I’m doing tonight?

I’m going on a blind date!

And when I say blind date, I mean I only have a vague idea of what he looks like based on his LinkedIn profile picture and a site I found when I googled him… and I know his name and occupation. That’s all I know.

My sister met him and his friends out at a bar this last weekend while she was out for a friend’s bachelorette party. After a long conversation, my sister decided he was worthy of her stamp of approval. She then told him that her sister is single and that we should go out! So she got his number so I could call him.

For the first time in my life, I finally understand the agony of men in the dating world. Calling someone new is terrifying! I wanted to text him because it’s easier and way less scary.

But I called him!

I hoped and prayed that it would go to voicemail– I had the message rehearsed and everything. But no, he answered. He laughed when I told him who I was and we engaged in a brief conversation.

He then offered for us to go out for happy hour to actually meet in person.

So in an hour I’ll be sitting across from some guy my sister found for me and engaging in first-date banter… and “I’ve just met you” banter.

Well, I hope it’s banter. If it’s not, then the family stuff I (actually) have to leave for will miraculously happen earlier than planned.

But my sister is a pretty accurate and strict judge of character, so the fact that this guy passed whatever test she puts people through really tells me a lot about him.

Here’s hoping her radar continues to be spot-on!

 

I’m hoping by posting about my current feelings about my love life will help alleviate my frustration. So please bear with me…

I have great friends, a great job, a loving family and most of my evenings and weekends are packed. I would describe myself as happy and content with my life.

However…

I am extremely lonely.

Both my sister, who in the past has been the biggest relationship-phobe but is now in a full-fledged relationship, and The Roommate are dating men who fit them so well and I have seen how much joy they get from being in those relationships.

I look on their relationships with envy and really wish that I was with someone who made that much sense with me. Instead, I end up on dates with players, dickheads, crazies, and bores. Or on no dates at all.

And don’t get me wrong– I am so happy for my sister and The Roommate and can’t wait to see where their relationships end up (it’s like a real-life romantic comedy for The Roommate… and I have front row seats!). Their relationships show me that there are people out there who fit perfectly with another person. And it’s been so great to see the positive changes that have come from them being in those relationships.

I like dating, I like going out and meeting new people. First dates don’t give me any sort of anxiety and I’m never nervous about them– which helps me be relaxed and a good conversationalist. But I’m not meeting anyone who would be a good match for me.

Not by a long-shot.

I have a dating philosophy that says “I never say no to a request for a first date” (within reason, of course). My thought is that if a guy has had enough courage to ask me out on a date (or even for my phone number), I will oblige. And I will go with a positive attitude and hope that something comes from it. Unless I’ve known the guy for a while, how can I know how good of a match they’ll be for me if I don’t give them a chance?

But do I need to change that philosophy? Am I not being discerning enough, so I continue to end up disappointed more times than not? Or is that the “right” way to do it, and hope that eventually I’ll go out with “the one”?

And I’m not even asking for much at this point. I know that the shaming of single women is “you’re just being too picky,” which I honestly don’t think I am. At this point in time, all I’m looking for is someone who has a job, can carry a two-way conversation, I have chemistry with them, and he isn’t an asshole.

I feel like I’m too young to have to start lowering my bar/expectations. Or has 26 become the start for spinsters? Maybe it is– during a recent conversation with a friend, we started talking about how it’s nearly impossible to find someone who is not either: A) completely immature, B) recently divorced, or C) not looking for a relationship. Sounds like a list of the traits of my recent dates…

I don’t want to whine. I hate when people whine about “no one loves me!”

But I can’t seem to help myself. I’ve been doing everything I can to meet people out in my world (as opposed to online)– I’ve joined social groups, attended meetups, drank at networking happy hours, I’m currently captaining my kickball team, volunteering more– but none of that hasn’t seemed to get me anywhere. Yes, I’m making new/more friends, but any guys I meet at any of those get-togethers are unavailable, way older than I am, or sleazy.

I’ve been bound and determined to not get back into the online dating world because I REALLY want to meet someone “organically.” But more and more, I’m finding that that has really become nearly impossible.

Is online dating really the only way to meet anyone any more? Or should I continue to be a “Ted Moseby” and hold out hope that I’ll meet my future mister out about in my life?

I’m feeling down about this, and I refuse to let it bring my entire out-look on life down, but I also can’t shake the dark rain cloud that is lurking in the background, ready to swallow me if I give it more than a moment’s attention.

Thanks for listening to me whine. Hopefully getting this off my chest will help me get past it and just live my life and tell that dark cloud to go away.

To help cheer me up (and tell you where the title reference came from), I’m hoping Winnie the Pooh will help:

 

When I ask the above question, I’m not asking if he’s loaded and lives in a gigantic house. I mean, that wouldn’t be bad, but what I really mean is, “is my first impression of you accurate?”

I was chatting with The Lawyer yesterday about a date I have tonight. I met a guy at an industry happy hour last week and after some texts and emails back and forth, we planned to go out for drinks after work tonight.

As I was explaining my thoughts about going on the date, I told The Lawyer that I was excited (because I strangely like first dates) but I was also hesitant because my first impression of the guy when I saw him was “wow, he looks like a douche.” He’s kinda cute but how he carried himself just gave off that vibe. And because of that, The Lawyer asked if he could call him the “Visual Douche”… and I’ll call him VD for now– hopefully he changes that perception.

As VD and I chatted briefly at the happy hour, and what I can remember from it since I was 3 drinks in and asked him where he went to school at least 2 or 3 times (and that was even worse because he went to the college literally around the corner from my house), he seemed like an engaging person and was pretty dynamic.

So it got me thinking about first impressions. I’m interested to see if after our date this guy can be considered a Mr. Darcy– the misunderstood, but totally awesome suitor– or Mr. Collins– the obnoxious, no one wants to be around him suitor. (And if you don’t understand those references, go and read (or watch) “Pride and Prejudice.”)

I’m hoping my first impression of VD is wrong and something happens between us, even if it’s just for a little while. But I learned the hard way with Voldemort that my first impressions/instincts are pretty spot-on in the long run.

So fingers crossed that my date tonight turns out to be a Mr. Darcy.

Regardless of who I end up with, I do want to be looked at like this:

Be still my heart!

What is this? Two posts in one day? Crazy, I know! I started writing this post in my head last night, but I’m still not 100% sure if I need to write this just to process or if I would like some insight/advice from you, my readers. So we’ll see once I get to the end…

The drama with Funny Man has continued, and I’m currently at an impasse as to what to do next.

He hurt me deeply, and as of a few days ago, I never wanted to even talk to him again. However, after I got an email from him with no hint of acknowledgement of things that have happened between us (so he’s either clueless or calloused…), it got me thinking: we briefly dated, but we were friends long before that.

And there was a reason I was friends with him in the first place. And was attracted to him the moment I met him. I’m drawn to him and as I’ve seen, that draw does not seem to have gone away.

I no longer have romantic feelings towards him– his inexcusable behavior has eradicated those feelings forever– but I realized I still would like to be his friend.

The realization of this feeling came as a complete shock to me. But I don’t know what to do with it. As I told The Roommate last night, I’ve never dealt with this kind of hurt from a friend before. From boyfriends/husband, well, that’s a whole other story. When he hurt me, we were acting as friends, so coming to him as a friend is how I need to approach him.

But I’ve never had a friend treat me so shitty. Well, I’ve had friends who completely ditched me in my moment of greatest need, but I have no desire to continue to be their friends, so they get a pass.

The thought of talking to Funny Man and confronting him with just how terribly he treated me is terrifying! But when his email showed up on my computer, my heart started pounding and I realized I was so mad because I still cared.

Damn!

So, in light of this revelation, I don’t know how to go about initiating this discussion and then once that discussion has been planned, how to handle it. I don’t mind confrontation, but I can’t remember the last time I called a friend out on their crappy behavior. And that’s what is holding me up.

Do I care enough about our friendship to put myself through the whole ordeal? Or can I live with the realization that I care and do nothing to rectify the situation? And if I don’t confront him, will I continue to act passive-aggressively towards him or will I be able to just let it go and act impassively about/towards him?

I think I do care about our friendship. And I think I REALLY care about getting an explanation from him about everything that happened. And to tell him that his actions really hurt me, whether he was aware of it or not, and whether he cares or not. And I really hate acting so passive-aggressively towards him– I feel petty and bitchy. Instead, I’d like to feel empowered and like I stood up for myself in the face of a careless friend.

And, as the title of my post suggests, the biggest question I need to ask myself is this: even if I stand up for myself and confront him, can I forgive him? Or has his behavior caused an irreparable rift between us that I can’t muster the forgiveness to overcome? Before any confrontation happens, I believe that is the biggest question I need to answer for myself.

So wish me luck as I get up the nerve to email him to ask him to get together to talk. I’m really not looking forward to this. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement you can offer me? Because I really need it!

To end on a lighter note, if you don’t recognize where my blog title is from, watch this clip (and then watch the movie because it’s one of the funniest movies ever!):

Dating can be like a pendulum.

I’ve dated enough to be able to look back and see how I would date Person A, react to the things I didn’t like by dating Person B who was the complete opposite of person A… and I’ve done that for as long as I’ve been dating. My most extreme example is when I dated California my freshman year of college who was not at all like the goody-two-shoes boys I knew in high school. I then dated The Debater my sophomore year who was ultra-conservative and extremely religious. I then dated The Bad Boy that summer… see a pattern?

Thankfully I broke my pattern of reacting to my ex’s conservativeness and/or religiousness, but I still end up going from one extreme to the other. Case in point: I dated The Narcissist and a couple of months later dated The Dud (alternately referred to as “Huh?”).

I know this pattern in myself and I pride myself on my new-found self-awareness, so I try to be aware of it when I start dating someone new, and especially when I’ve broken up with someone and go for the rebound date.

But my sister said something to me the other day that has gotten me thinking about all of this in a different light.

We were talking about Funny Man, who came to my birthday dinner bash and my sister sat across from him at the table. When I asked her what she thought of him, her response was “he was very fun and life of the party… like Voldemort (aka my ex).”

I should have prefaced her comment with this nugget of information: when Voldemort and I split, our friends had a really hard time grasping what had happened because “he’s just so much fun!” Which is true, but that didn’t mean that meant he was a good husband (or person for that matter). So, speaking of pendulums, I’ve been weary of “class clowns” ever since… maybe I’m not as self-aware as I thought…

Because of my hesitation to be around people who resemble my ex in any way, shape, or form, it gave me a jolt. “Oh shit!” I thought to myself. “What does this mean for me and Funny Man?” I started to have a tiny panic attack until a thought donned on me:

Just because there was something good about my ex doesn’t mean I have to avoid those traits like the plague.

Obviously, that doesn’t mean to just abandon my awareness or not heed what my sister said as being a potential warning (as L, my former counselor would advise: pay attention and see if it really is an issue or just a hiccup).

But I’ve been thinking about this a lot since my sister made that comment. I liked that people liked Voldemort. I liked that I could bring him with me to parties and he was engaging and fun and could easily make people laugh– even if it was at his own expense (there’s a notorious picture of him in a Santa flag… and nothing else…). That was 5 years ago, and I still laugh about it with my friends!

So does everything that is similar an automatic red flag? Or can I learn to appreciate the (few) good things that Voldemort brought to the table and even look for it in someone else? Or is that playing with fire?

The ultimate question being: can I find someone who is a responsible adult (with a stable job, lots of friends, etc) AND is sociable/funny. Or does being funny and charismatic automatically mean someone is a bum?

I really hope it’s possible…

I’m feeling really anxious at the moment, and I think all I need to do (hopefully) is process this a little bit here and I should relax…

Tomorrow is the final step in the drawn-out process that is the Getting Unemployment Payments. It takes a surprising amount of time and effort to get unemployment benefits. And even more work if the state initially declines your request.

Unfortunately, that’s what I’ve had to deal with for the last 3 months. I lost my job at the beginning of December (Merry Christmas…), and this final hearing is exactly three months later to the day. I’ve had to submit tons of paperwork, log-in weekly to prove that I was looking for work, and then had to fax in my reason that I believe that I deserve to get unemployment. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s important to make people put some effort in to get  the benefits– it shouldn’t just be handed to them– but it sure makes the entire process really long and uncomfortable.

Thankfully I have a hefty savings account that I was able to draw from and pay my bills, but if I didn’t have that, I don’t know what I would have done– probably move into my parents house…

So far, it’s been a relatively streamlined process. Submit paperwork, wait, get forms in the mail, fill out forms, wait, get more forms, etc. And most importantly, I  haven’t had to interact with any of my former employers.

However, tomorrow will be the first time I have had to interact with them and it’s really getting to me. I fully blame my supervisor for getting me fired, so I hold a lot of resentment towards her. But I have to interact with her and our supervisor to get through the final hearing.

I submitted my paperwork with the mantra: “I’m doing this for myself. I believe I was wrongfully fired and I need to stand up for what I believe.” But that was easy to do when all that required was writing a (somewhat long) letter defending myself and sending it via fax to some government office.

But now I will need to verbally defend myself in the presence of the two people who most resent in this world. I will need to stand my ground and essentially tell the court that the decision to deny me benefits was wrong, that their information is skewed and tell them that my employers were WRONG.

I don’t mind confrontation in my personal relationships, but if it involves telling someone that something they did was wrong or bad, I end up feeling bad that I feel bad and don’t want to deal with it any more.

And that’s what terrifies me about tomorrow.

I have to stand my ground, on my own, and let a judge (or whoever) make the decision as to whether or not they have to pay me > $2,000 in unemployment.

I’m nervous and anxious, and just thinking about it raises my heart-rate up to uncomfortable levels. Even talking about it with a friend at lunch today made me fidgety and nervous. Talking it out did not seem to help squelch my anxiety.

I thought talking about it would help ease my pain. But what I think will ultimately help is when it’s all over. I’ll probably have another terrible night sleep worrying about it tonight, but then I can sleep soundly tomorrow, knowing that it’s all over.

Wish me luck, because at tomorrow at 3:00, I’ll be standing up for myself like I never have before.