January 2012


I have a birthday coming up (and when I say coming up, it’s not for another month…), and the weeks leading up to it always send me into more of an introspective state of mind– much more than any New Years eve ever has.

The “birthday resolution” that has been spinning around my head for a while is this:

Don’t continue to do something if it doesn’t make you happy.

This is especially important in regards to drinking wine 😉

Of course, having to do things like pay bills is non-negotiable, but otherwise, most things are up for discussion. I spent the last year of my life at a job I hated, I was in a relationship at the beginning of the year that I was bored out of my mind about, and I went running even though I dreaded it.

So instead of spending my time lamenting about things that are fully within my power to change, I just need to change them. As I’ve mentioned before, I thrive off change, so I took the initiative to change the things that were making me unhappy. I hated my job, so I started looking for a new one (my bosses beat me to the punch before I could quit), I ended the relationship with the bore, and I stopped going running– with every good intention of doing something else instead… still working on that one.

This “resolution” is especially important in regards to romantic relationships. I’ve dated a lot and have been unhappy/disappointed more times than not. So, this year is going to be not only about being happy in all aspects of my work and social life, but I fully intend for my romantic life to follow suit.

I already started to implement this “resolution” last year but I was not fully committed to it. So being intentional about choosing happiness and taking the risk to change the things to make that possible is what this “birthday resolution” is all about.

However, it does get awkward when the change that is required for my happiness relies on having to break things off with someone I’m dating– but in the end, it’s better for everyone. Yes, having to call a guy and say “I’m no longer interested in seeing you” is incredibly uncomfortable, but boy does it take the load off.

I’ve tried to do the teenager-maturity-level-approved method of just trying to ignore the guy and hope he gets the hint. It doesn’t work that way, and then I just spent my time being annoyed every time they’d try to contact me, frustrated they didn’t just go away. I’ve also had guys treat me that way, so I know how shitty it feels when you know you’re being ignored. That method doesn’t make it easier on anyone.

But the times I was up front about what I was thinking and (not) feeling, they took the news with grace and I haven’t heard from them again. No one likes getting broken up with, but when the other person is honest, at least there is closure and mutual understanding about where the relationship stands.

Relationships and change are scary. There are so many things that have kept me from embracing a new life– and with that, a new happiness. Since I’ve been single I’ve realized something: once I didn’t let those things stand in my way, I ended up so much happier than I could have imagined. The unknown is scary, but every time I’ve been brave enough to embrace the unknown (there’s not much more of an unsettling change as a divorce), I’ve ended up exponentially happier than I could have even begun to imagine.

And that’s the happiness I want to harness this year, and all my years to come. By doing things for myself and keeping my happiness my central focus, I know I will be more satisfied with life and will enjoy my life, friends, work, and beaus that much more.

I want to be happy and fulfilled and I will do the work to be that way. That is going to be my present to myself this year… Well, that and some super-cute boots!

(And how interesting! I wrote this post and then the very next blog I read was Britt’s post about this very thing: Go here to read her thoughts on choosing happiness.)

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I started my new job this last week and it was so nice to get back into a routine. I’m excited to get back to work (not just because I need the money, but I was becoming one with my couch cushions), and I am really excited about the potential that my job has for my success in my job. It’s going to teach  me a lot and I’m going to be at the ground floor of implementing procedures that will be used for the company’s future. I’m highly organized (when it comes to data– my desk on the other hand…) so this kind of stuff really interests me.

But the best thing so far– my coworkers!

To say that my old job was “toxic” would be an understatement. The VP of land is the boss from hell and even though he really holds no seniority over any of the other management (or anyone not in the land department), everyone catered to his every whim and temper-tantrum. I had a couple of friends in the office, as well as some allies, but to say I enjoyed my job or where I worked would be a lie.

The breath of fresh air that my new coworkers bring is so incredibly rejuvenating, I can’t even begin to describe how amazing they are. I had to pick my jaw up off the floor after the simple act of one of the upper-management guys joining my other coworkers in taking me out to lunch on my first day. It’s small things like that which shows the true character of an office and people in general.

It’s a VERY small office, but everyone seems to get along and like working together. And that is so foreign to me– it’s taking me a while to get used to it. I never realized how closed off and stuffy my old office was until I started at my new job.

I’m now looking forward to going to work and seeing my coworkers (instead of counting it a good day if I only had to interact with the VP of land once that day).

This new chapter is going to be AMAZING!

I start my new job tomorrow.

I have never felt so anxious but excited about something in my life– and I’ve walked down the aisle…

It’s strange just how true the sentiment is about this being the next chapter of my life. It’s amazing how much my life can be easily broken into “chapters.”

This new job has my mind going in a million directions and I can’t seem to focus. It’s been a while since I’ve had to squelch the overwhelming desire to be perfect. I feel that I’ve gotten a better handle on dealing with it in a romantic relationship, but it’s a new sensation to be feeling this in regards to my job.

I want this new job to be perfect, I want my coworkers to be perfect, and I never ever want to let them down. I want to be the perfect, best, most awesome engineering tech they’ve ever seen.

But I know I’m not perfect, I will end up letting them down at some point, and I’ll build relationships with my coworkers just like I did at my old job.

Wish me luck on my first day of work in 2 months. It’s going to be a very interesting and refreshing ride!

It’s always an interesting adventure when you’re in the dating world. It’s equally fascinating and frustrating to see how different people maneuver dating and relationships.

I’ve gone on some of the most boring dates, dated guys who my friends still make fun of me about, dated guys who have the maturity level of a 13 year-old, and then, very rarely, I’ve dated guys who surprise me by being mature and understanding.

It’s unfortunate that it’s been a rarity to find a guy who could be labeled “mature,” even when they’re in their 30s

After a few long and confusing weeks, Funny Man and I have come to an agreement.

There is an undeniable connection between us, which sparked things to happen between us over the last few weeks. However, things being what they are, we’ve had to put things on hold for a few months while life stops being so crazy.

I don’t know if I’m actually okay with it, but it’s better than having to sit around being frustrated about how things aren’t happening the way I want them to. I’ve dated enough to know how things should happen in the “normal” progression of a relationship and those things weren’t happening. I’m strong enough in myself to be able to move on and know that I deserve more/better than I was getting.

So hopefully after a few months, and I haven’t found someone else in the meantime, Funny Man and I will have a “Take-Two.” But if that doesn’t happen, I will be able to look back and compliment FM for being an adult about the situation– by making a simple phone call and being honest about himself and what he’s able to do/give.

Dating is anything but predictable. So stay tuned…

Before I get into my love life, which is enough for a post itself, I have some excellent news:

I GOT A NEW JOB!

After being unemployed for a month and a half, I was offered a job at a start-up oil and gas company in Denver.

I am slightly hesitant to be at another small company– 6 people to be exact– because working at a  small company was what screwed me over. But even in my initial interview, I was told that they were trying to do something different.  The HR woman told me that they even get the input from everyone about new policies, just to make sure everyone has a voice and feels included. That’s a huge step up from my old company who didn’t even have a maternity-leave policy in place and made it up on the fly as soon as one of the young female employees got pregnant (and it’s one of the worst policies I’ve ever heard… big surprise).

I’m very excited about this opportunity, and I know I will learn a lot. The engineer at my old company, who I owe getting this job to because of his recommendation to the operations manager, told me there was so much more he wanted to teach me if I had been able to stay at my old job AND they had promoted me to a tech like I asked. So this will be a great opportunity to learn those things and increase my understanding and skill-set for the future.

I start on January 23. I can’t wait for that day to come– I am so tired of sitting at home on the couch!

It’s a new year, so new and great things are going to happen! It’s only January 10 and I already know this year is going to kick 2011’s ass.

In light and celebration of my new job, I will leave you with this video– possibly my favorite song ever. (Could there be a more appropriate song?)

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