Sorry to keep you all waiting to see if VD was really Mr. Darcy…

I’m sad to report: VD is not just a visual douche, he is a full-fledged douche to the Nth degree!

Is anyone surprised?

I should say that the overall flow of conversation during the date was some of the better first-date conversations I’ve had. I can’t tell you how bored I am with the typical first date questions– “where are you from?” “What do you do for work?” “Tell me about your family…” So because of his better conversational skills, I stupidly let my guard down more than I should have.

And because of that, I completely missed his come-on that told me that all he wanted was to get in my pants. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to really put 2 and 2 together.

I wrote a blog post a while ago about what topic of conversation you ALWAYS bring up on a first date. My answer, in case you don’t want to click through to the old post, is food– more specifically, cooking and eating. If a guy walks away from a date and doesn’t know I like to cook and that I’m a total food snob, then that is definitely a failed date.

Anyway, I mentioned the fact that I like to cook to VD, and after our waitress asked us for the 10th time if we want to order food, he recommended that we cook together THAT NIGHT. Through his explanation, I realized that not only was he not going to be buying me dinner, he wasinviting himself over to my house! On the first date!I could hardly hear the rest of our conversation over the warning sirens going off in my head.

When I told him I had no desire to cook dinner that night (and definitely not to come over to my house!), he suggested that our next date be a cooking date at my house… because even though he “totally loves to cook too!” he doesn’t own a saute pan or a wooden spoon…

Seriously, if you’re going to try and woo a foodie, you shouldn’t show that you’re completely full of shit so early in the game.

After about two hours, he told me that he did, in fact, have to go meet a client for dinner. By then, it was 8:00 and I hadn’t eaten since lunch. I was FAMISHED! We then asked for the check and VD told the waitress, “oh, I already closed my tab out.” I had gotten there a little late (minor emergency at work), so he had ordered his drinks and paid his tab– clearly there was never any intention of staying for dinner.

When the waitress brought my tab– all of $6– VD didn’t even make a move or word to pay for my drink. WTF?! He had just finished asking me to “cook with him” but wasn’t going to at least buy me a drink first? I mean, really…

We then walked out of the restaurant and when we got to the street corner, he told me “I’m parked that way.” Okay, that’s fine, I don’t need you to walk me to my car. It’s not like first dates are where you bring your “A” game or anything…

I then hugged him goodbye and told him I had a nice time. That’s when he didn’t let go and pulled me in for a kiss!

Now, I’ve kissed quite a few men in my life, but never once have I been surprised by a kiss. I pride myself on being able to read situations and men really easily, so I can anticipate what is about to happen. That definitely did not happen this time– my brain literally had to play catch-up and the thought “oh, I’m being kissed. I should kiss back!” actually ran through my head. It wasn’t a bad kiss, but seriously dude, read the situation!

I’ve finally learned what a “player” looks like.

And in case I had any questions about whether or not I misread him or his intentions, I got a text on Saturday night at 11:30pm asking what I was up to… SLEEPING! Thanks for waking me up, though. I really appreciate that.