May 2012


Sorry to keep you all waiting to see if VD was really Mr. Darcy…

I’m sad to report: VD is not just a visual douche, he is a full-fledged douche to the Nth degree!

Is anyone surprised?

I should say that the overall flow of conversation during the date was some of the better first-date conversations I’ve had. I can’t tell you how bored I am with the typical first date questions– “where are you from?” “What do you do for work?” “Tell me about your family…” So because of his better conversational skills, I stupidly let my guard down more than I should have.

And because of that, I completely missed his come-on that told me that all he wanted was to get in my pants. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to really put 2 and 2 together.

I wrote a blog post a while ago about what topic of conversation you ALWAYS bring up on a first date. My answer, in case you don’t want to click through to the old post, is food– more specifically, cooking and eating. If a guy walks away from a date and doesn’t know I like to cook and that I’m a total food snob, then that is definitely a failed date.

Anyway, I mentioned the fact that I like to cook to VD, and after our waitress asked us for the 10th time if we want to order food, he recommended that we cook together THAT NIGHT. Through his explanation, I realized that not only was he not going to be buying me dinner, he wasinviting himself over to my house! On the first date!I could hardly hear the rest of our conversation over the warning sirens going off in my head.

When I told him I had no desire to cook dinner that night (and definitely not to come over to my house!), he suggested that our next date be a cooking date at my house… because even though he “totally loves to cook too!” he doesn’t own a saute pan or a wooden spoon…

Seriously, if you’re going to try and woo a foodie, you shouldn’t show that you’re completely full of shit so early in the game.

After about two hours, he told me that he did, in fact, have to go meet a client for dinner. By then, it was 8:00 and I hadn’t eaten since lunch. I was FAMISHED! We then asked for the check and VD told the waitress, “oh, I already closed my tab out.” I had gotten there a little late (minor emergency at work), so he had ordered his drinks and paid his tab– clearly there was never any intention of staying for dinner.

When the waitress brought my tab– all of $6– VD didn’t even make a move or word to pay for my drink. WTF?! He had just finished asking me to “cook with him” but wasn’t going to at least buy me a drink first? I mean, really…

We then walked out of the restaurant and when we got to the street corner, he told me “I’m parked that way.” Okay, that’s fine, I don’t need you to walk me to my car. It’s not like first dates are where you bring your “A” game or anything…

I then hugged him goodbye and told him I had a nice time. That’s when he didn’t let go and pulled me in for a kiss!

Now, I’ve kissed quite a few men in my life, but never once have I been surprised by a kiss. I pride myself on being able to read situations and men really easily, so I can anticipate what is about to happen. That definitely did not happen this time– my brain literally had to play catch-up and the thought “oh, I’m being kissed. I should kiss back!” actually ran through my head. It wasn’t a bad kiss, but seriously dude, read the situation!

I’ve finally learned what a “player” looks like.

And in case I had any questions about whether or not I misread him or his intentions, I got a text on Saturday night at 11:30pm asking what I was up to… SLEEPING! Thanks for waking me up, though. I really appreciate that.

 

 

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When I ask the above question, I’m not asking if he’s loaded and lives in a gigantic house. I mean, that wouldn’t be bad, but what I really mean is, “is my first impression of you accurate?”

I was chatting with The Lawyer yesterday about a date I have tonight. I met a guy at an industry happy hour last week and after some texts and emails back and forth, we planned to go out for drinks after work tonight.

As I was explaining my thoughts about going on the date, I told The Lawyer that I was excited (because I strangely like first dates) but I was also hesitant because my first impression of the guy when I saw him was “wow, he looks like a douche.” He’s kinda cute but how he carried himself just gave off that vibe. And because of that, The Lawyer asked if he could call him the “Visual Douche”… and I’ll call him VD for now– hopefully he changes that perception.

As VD and I chatted briefly at the happy hour, and what I can remember from it since I was 3 drinks in and asked him where he went to school at least 2 or 3 times (and that was even worse because he went to the college literally around the corner from my house), he seemed like an engaging person and was pretty dynamic.

So it got me thinking about first impressions. I’m interested to see if after our date this guy can be considered a Mr. Darcy– the misunderstood, but totally awesome suitor– or Mr. Collins– the obnoxious, no one wants to be around him suitor. (And if you don’t understand those references, go and read (or watch) “Pride and Prejudice.”)

I’m hoping my first impression of VD is wrong and something happens between us, even if it’s just for a little while. But I learned the hard way with Voldemort that my first impressions/instincts are pretty spot-on in the long run.

So fingers crossed that my date tonight turns out to be a Mr. Darcy.

Regardless of who I end up with, I do want to be looked at like this:

Be still my heart!

I spent my evening last night at the Denver Center for Performing Arts to see the show “Wicked.” It’s quite possibly the best show I’ve ever seen! And I had the unique opportunity to see it twice!

I went last night with my friend, The Lawyer, who had never seen a live musical before– quite the travesty since he’s 32 years old! However, it was really fun to be there with someone who had never experienced the wonder and amazement of quality live theater. I’ve been going to plays for as long as I remember– my family and my BFF’s family saw the play “The Frog Prince” at least a half a dozen times when it was at the Arvada Center when I was about 10 years old… and we still quote a line or two from it to this day- “pass the peas please, thank you!”

I actually dated The Lawyer a while ago, right before things started to happen with Funny Man, but I just didn’t feel any chemistry. I was actually really disappointed about that because he and I are so similar– he likes to cook, we have similar tastes in restaurants, movies, music and I feel relaxed and comfortable around him. But no romantic spark… sigh…

But we have become really good friends, and even talk about other dates we go on with each other– which I consider the true test of a male/female friendship– being able to talk about dating other people with them. And because we’re so similar, we have been able to enjoy a lot of random things together. We’re even compiling a list of restaurants we’ve been wanting to try to go to together.

Last night was one of those nights! He wanted to go see “Wicked” and he asked me to come with him. Oh, twist my arm, I guess I’ll go see it again. We decided to get dressed up to go to the theater– the only way to go, in my opinion. I donned one of my homecoming dresses from high school and he wore a really sharp suit and we had a night on the town.

It was so refreshing to be able to go out and enjoy a good meal (I paid since he paid for the tickets to the play) and a show with a male companion and not have to worry about the romantic implications of everything. I was able to relax and laugh and enjoy myself without worrying about what he thought of me, or trying to be the “perfect” date and, in turn, making myself anxious or nervous.

One of the best nights I’ve had in a while!

And because I was looking super cute, and I got permission to post this pic, I want to share it with you:

We totally won the Best Dressed award!

Wow, all that’s missing is a corsage and boutonniere and we’d be at prom.

I read these articles on the Daily Dish (here and here) and I’ve been thinking a lot about the post I was going to write in response to those.

I can definitely say that I fully agree with those articles. I believe friendship is the key to happiness– Yes, finding a romantic connection with someone for life is great, but if you’re lacking strong friendship connections, you will feel a lack of something in your life. A single romantic relationship is not enough to make you feel fulfilled or dynamic. Everyone needs more people in their life than their significant other.

Not only do I seek out new friends on a regular basis, I strive to be the best friend to people that I can. I have learned the value of friendship, especially as I went through my divorce, and want to be the kind of friend to people that I want them to be to me.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had me make (or offer to make) food for you for a birthday, a new baby, a celebration for something awesome happening, to meet new people, to make new friends, for a holiday… or even heartache. Yeah, that’s most of the people I know. Food is definitely one of my “love languages,” which I don’t hear anyone complaining about 🙂

What that shows is that I want to be there for people in the most fundamental and connecting ways possible– over a shared meal. But a night of talking over drinks is also a great way to spend my time!

All of these thoughts I’ve been formulating in my head for this post came to a complete collapse today when I realized I had let down a friend in a pretty substantial way. Thankfully (OMG, am I thankful), no one was hurt or harmed, and my friend will probably never know what happened. But I let her down and I was on the verge of being labeled “the worst friend in the world.” As I was wiping tears from my eyes on my way to her house, I had an epiphany:

I really do value friendships over all other relationships. The verythought of letting down a friend was sending me into hysterics, but I’ve been in romantic relationships where I act cold and calloused about how my actions effect them. I (hopefully) never do that any more, but I know that the thought of an upset or angry friend makes me more anxious than the thought of an upset lover.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that friendships are truly a choice. There’s a great quote that I have framed on my wall that says:

“Friendship is the only relationship that you have because you really want it, there’s nothing keeping you together other than that you want to be.” — Jean Theisen

Finding great friends is rare, and the idea of losing any of them makes me sad and anxious. As much as I’m a believer in fate, I have a harder time believing that any friend can be replaced, that they wont leave a giant hole if they ever weren’t part of my life in some capacity. For romantic relationships, it’s the ol’ “plenty of other fish” mentality that doesn’t have me so concerned. I think finding those friends who “just get you” is rarer and more precious than romantic relationships. So no wonder I value them so highly.

I’m always so thankful when I’m able to help and be there for friends in their moments of need. Yes, being there during the good times is great as well– don’t get me wrong– but it’s during the hard and difficult times that true friends show their true colors. And when I can be one of those friends who people can call when they need help, are in a bind, or need a shoulder to cry on, I love it. I know how refreshing it is to have those people in my life and comforting it is to have someone(s) in the world who isn’t blood related to you who will come to your aid at the drop of a hat.

So during this time when I am wishing I had a boyfriend, I sit back and marvel at the wonderful friends I have. I have the overwhelming honor of being in their lives, and I would hope they feel the same way about me.

Friends are so precious and I hope and pray I can continue to be the best kind of friend to everyone that I meet. I love you all!

I spent my Saturday helping D with her graduation party, buying and making tacos to celebrate her graduation AND Cinco de Mayo! She’s now Dr. D with her PhD in physical therapy! CONGRATS, D 🙂

As I was sitting chatting with her various friends and family at the party, I started chatting with D’s sister and her husband. He is from Loveland, Colorado (not to be confused with the ski resort), which is only a few miles south of Fort Collins, and he was telling me about a scandal that happened at his high school with the football team.

Apparently the football players would spray their jerseys with PAM so no one could grip them to tackle them. As he was talking, I realized I’d heard that story before– straight from the source of one of the players who had done that… my ex, Voldemort.

Whenever I ask people if they know someone just because they went to the same high school, I hold little hope because I’m useless when it comes to other people asking me to play the the “do you know ___” game. I casually asked him if he knew “Voldemort” and his reply was “he was one of my best friends in high school!”

I then replied that he’s my ex!

He then told me “I friended him on facebook and found out he was getting divorced that week because he posted about having to go pick up the papers.” “Yup, that was me!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t believe it– someone else who knew Voldemort from a different time. Of course, they didn’t stay actual friends, but that didn’t surprise me in the least– Voldemort dumps friends faster than you can say “friends.” There was ONE person at our wedding that he invited who wasn’t related to him– because he didn’t have any friends from his past. (Major red flag #738 ignored!)

I then found out that he recently got married, which didn’t bother me at all. I’ve known Voldemort was engaged (and has been for a long time), so it was pretty inevitable that he would finally tie the knot. Now the clock has started to tick down until he does the exact same thing to this girl that he did to me. It’s his nature– it’s the way it continues to be modeled for him by his mom, so there’s no hope for redemption. I already pity the woman he just married…

It was quite the eventful graduation party! It also says a lot that finding out my ex got remarried didn’t bother me and I didn’t give it a second thought– except to tell all of you about it, of course. I’m always relieved that my heart has moved far past the hurt and pain that he caused me almost 3 years ago.