For you  non-Spanish speakers, the title means “I’m going to go to Spain”

GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I’m freaking out a little bit (I stood in the middle of my living room freaking out by squatting down and standing back up about 1500 times  in front of my roommate and her boyfriend when I bought my plane ticket if that gives you any sort of idea). I leave a week from today to go on vacation BY MYSELF! I’ve never done anything like this before. I don’t do things like this.

And yet, here I am, planning a trip, making reservations for one, being able to go and do whatever I want whenever I want while on vacation in the beautiful country of Spain.

I could spend the next three hours writing about everything I’m freaking out about, what I’m nervous about, and how completely insecure I feel about my Spanish-speaking abilities. However, I want to process something else that has continued to rattle around in my head when I’ve been thinking about going on this trip.

An ex-boyfriend of mine has one of the most interesting lives of anyone I know– he’s lived all over the country, traveled extensively all over the world, worked for a while in Antarctica, and spends his time learning and doing really interesting things, including brewing his own beer. The last time he was in town, we went to get drinks and I asked him why he did everything he did–  why he took jobs in the coldest place in the world, why he had a vat of beer sitting in his closet for weeks. His response was “I do interesting things because it makes me an interesting person.”

That statement has been at the forefront of my mind a lot these last few weeks as I’ve been planning my trip. Going on this trip is completely out of character for me, but only if I make it that way. I could be the girl who travels alone because she wants to and can, the girl who is adventurous and is (learning to be) extroverted. I constantly tell myself that I’m “not” something– I’m not a runner, I’m not creative, I’m not handy, and I’m not adventurous. However, I go at least once a week to run around Wash Park, my roommate and I have numerous canvases around our house that we painted, we eat dinner at a dining room table that we built from scratch, and I’m about to go on vacation by myself to a country where I don’t speak the language.

If I keep telling myself that I’m “not” those things, then it will never be true. I will constantly see those things that I’ve done as flukes, once in a lifetime kind of actions; instead, I could see them as the development of myself into a more interesting person, a richer, deeper person who has numerous interests, hobbies, and isn’t afraid of a challenge. If I embrace being more interesting, I will surround myself with people who are interesting. More importantly, I will feel more satisfied about who I am as a person instead of who I think I am but do these “fluke” things.

So I think this trip will be about embracing the new sides of myself and proudly announcing that I AM interesting and that I did those interesting things that  are because that’s the kind of woman I am– not because I just happened to read an interesting idea online or just happened to buy a plane ticket to a foreign country.

I’m sure I’ll learn a lot more about myself than just that, but I really hope to finally be okay with woman I am and the woman I’m growing into. This is a unique journey that I am going on, and I hope to come out of it stronger and wiser.

Here’s to being an interesting, richer, deeper, more secure woman! Salud!