Hey there! I know it’s been forever since I last posted, but life has just been so crazy for me ever since the Christmas season started. I have told numerous people that I honestly thought I would ease into the year when I got back to work after Christmas… hahahaha!

(I shouldn’t admit this, but I also had the thought that maybe I would get better about posting on here… clearly that was another New Years Resolution that can be classified under FAILED!)

I’ve also noticed that I don’t tend to feel the need/urge to write when nothing bad or dramatic is going on in my life (or if it’s super dramatic, I don’t have the energy or brain capacity to write). Since life has just been busy, typing away on my computer has been the last thing I want to do.

So all that to say, I’m here, I’m still alive, and there is much to update you all on. And I really, truly want to be better about posting more often– even if it’s my favorite video of the week!

Speaking of:

I seriously laughed uncontrollably when watching this video… which was awkward because I may or may not have been at work where all my coworkers could hear me snort and giggle! These guys have a whole series of videos that I spent most of my day at work watching while mindlessly working in Excel watched at night after I had gone home and was sitting on my couch.

And that’s why they pay me the big bucks!

My updates:

The biggest changes in my life are all happening this month.

The saddest thing is that I had to say goodbye to The Roommate because she is following her lifelong dream of living in Washington DC. I’m going to miss her terribly and it’s weird to think that she’s not coming home any time soon, like it was when she went to Europe a few months ago.

The Roommate and I get along so well, which makes sense since we are practically the same person, so I am really going to miss how easy it was to live with her and how much fun we had as roommates. She and I can talk for hours about anything, but it wont be as easy to do via the phone. So I’m already planning a trip out to see her some time in the spring. I can’t wait!

The other thing happening this month is that I’m moving. I was all set to stay in my beloved house another year and have my sister move in when her lease was up. However, with only 3 days left on my lease, my landlord sent me an email telling me he was going to raise my rent $200 starting in April if I wanted to sign for another year…

Yeah, no…

So in a mad scramble, my sister and I found a new place to live in only 2 days! It ended up working out for the best because she will be able to move in with me March 1 instead of March 30 since our new place is owned/managed by the same property managers!

So yay for things working out!

So needless to say, I’ve been on a packing frenzy. I hate packing and I hate moving, so I’m trying to be good about getting all my packing done waaaay in advance of my moving date so I don’t end up in as a sobbing mess on the phone with my mom the night before I move… which also happens to be my birthday, so that’s really not a good plan.

I’m also still trying to cross a few things off the last of my Birthday List, but I didn’t do as well as I  had hoped. I guess it shows that I had a very different outlook on my year than it ended up being. But in lieu of not doing things on the list, I did OTHER things that are just as interesting and exciting! I’m hoping to post about a few of those things on here to share in the joy.

And of course, I’ll make another list for this next year… holy crap, I’m going to be 27! Just one more year away from my Golden Birthday!

I have things I also want to process about Company Ink, so if Excel continues to be as big of a pain in the butt as it is right now, I’ll have plenty of time to talk all about what’s going on really soon!

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I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation my mom and I had last weekend. We were talking about a topic that comes up with a lot of frequency within my family and with The Roommate– how women are portrayed in media.

I’ll save the rant for now, but one topic made me think more about my life than just how my age or gender are portrayed: they all encourage the passivity of women.

And it’s this passivity that has been nagging at me recently. It’s rare that things “just happen” to people. And most importantly in my life right now is that dating doesn’t just happen to someone. If you log onto a dating website, you’re being active and if something romantic happens, it’s because you took the time and effort to log on and interact. And if you go out “on the prowl,” you are inviting conversation by how you act and dress. And life, I’m finding out, is NOT like a romantic comedy where you happen to run into your soul mate while perusing the ice cream aisle at the grocery store…

And it’s this necessity of action that has inspired a new step in the dating process for me. As well as this quote:

There’s a time to let things happen and a time to make things happen

-Hugh Prather

I realized I’ve been waiting for dating to magically happen for me. I’m still digging my heels in about not doing online dating, I lament about all of my friends being coupled-up/married, and I realized I only know 4 single people! So my dating network is pretty limited.

So I’ve decided to stop sitting around being passive and make something happen!

…drum roll…

I’ve decided to host a singles party! I know that there HAVE to be people out there who are single and looking for a good place to meet others that isn’t a bar or online (Right? Or am I the only one who still insists on meeting someone “organically” (aka not online)?).

I’ve chatted with The Lawyer about it, and I’ll be chatting with my sparse group of singles friends to gauge interest. I’m hoping to have this be a fun and relaxed night and even if romance doesn’t happen, maybe some new friends can come out of this!

What do you all think? Is hosting a singles party corny and stupid (and desperate)? Or is it a fun way to mingle with other singles (I swear I didn’t type that on purpose) and possibly get connected to people who have gotten a stamp of approval by being invited by friends/trusted people?

Personally, I think it could be a lot of fun– but only if people are willing to come and put themselves out there. Otherwise, it’ll be me sitting at home with my mom’s delicious food (she’s going to cater the party) and hanging out with my 4 single friends (two of whom I know have a crush on me…).

Let the party begin!

I  haven’t been this excited about something in a very long time! And I’ve been waiting for the day when everything was done so I could share it with all of you!

As you all know, it was 4 years ago that I got married. And it was 3 years ago from June 12th that he moved out. Ever since then, my wedding ring has sat alone it’s box in my jewelry holder. It has my mom’s diamond in it, so the diamond holds a lot of sentimental value to me. I knew I wanted to do something with both the ring and the diamond, but never knew what.

Then my BFF’s sister got engaged.

Her fiance, who is an artist by job and trade (he’s a high school art teacher), designed a ring for her with a jeweler and it’s GORGEOUS! It’s beautiful and unique, just like his fiance.

That was the spark that I needed and the key to finding a jeweler who I could work with to do something about my wedding ring. I had picked it out (thankyouverymuch!) and I really like it! Selling it or just leaving it in the box forever were never even options. The ring doesn’t have a second band with it, so it would be easy to be able to wear it on my right hand and not look like a wedding ring.

So I set an appointment with the jeweler and drove the 45 minutes to her studio to get the ball rolling. I handed her my ring and told her I wanted an amethyst in place of the diamond but I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with the diamond.

Here’s how it turned out:

Is it weird that as I was driving home, while I had my hand on the top of the steering wheel, I said out loud to my ring, “welcome home!”?

Wow, do I have my mom’s hands!

Changing out the stone in my ring was the easy part. Now, what to do with that diamond?

After going through lots and lots of gigantic catalogs and magazines, I gave the jeweler a very diverse idea about what style I like. And when I say diverse, I mean: I like swoopy, I also like angles, I also like bigger, I also want something smaller… That she was even able to figure anything out I liked shows her true talent!

One thing I was sure on was that I wanted a pendant of some sort that has the diamond as the central focus. And if it had other stones, I wanted lots of color.

A few weeks later, I met with her again to choose one of the half-a-dozen mock-ups that she had drawn. I moved around and touched a lot of precious gems and settled on a design and the stones and shapes I wanted.

I can’t remember the last time I was this eager about something!

I waited impatiently as she made my necklace.

And today…

I got to pick it up!

BEHOLD! The most beautiful and sentimental piece of jewelry I’ve ever owned:

What’s that? You want a close-up? Well, if you insist! (p.s. It’s super difficult to take a picture up close of something you’re wearing…)

I didn’t think about writing down all of the stones that are in it before I handed my parents the appraisal information to put in their safe, so I can’t tell you exactly what each of the stones are. I do know there’s a pink diamond, an emerald, a sapphire (possibly more than one, since I learned that sapphires come in more than one color (blue)). But see the diamond? It’s front and center, just like I wanted.

I love this necklace, I can’t even begin to describe how much!

I don’t usually get emotional about things, but I had to resist hugging the jeweler when I opened the box to see it. And then when I made a stop at my parents’ house to show it to them, I was thiiiiis close to crying.  I don’t know why this necklace ended up being that emotional for me, but I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

I’ve worked really hard on bettering myself over these last few years and, most importantly, to learn from the mistakes I made. The fact that my family and friends have stood by me as I’ve learned and grown, that has helped me become even stronger. This necklace is the embodiment all of that.

I love this necklace so much!!!

Now I’m going to go stare at it in the mirror some more…

—–

And because I’m so happy with the result (she in no way, shape, or form asked or paid me to say this), I’d love to recommend my jeweler: Cheryl Reiber Designs

I’m hoping by posting about my current feelings about my love life will help alleviate my frustration. So please bear with me…

I have great friends, a great job, a loving family and most of my evenings and weekends are packed. I would describe myself as happy and content with my life.

However…

I am extremely lonely.

Both my sister, who in the past has been the biggest relationship-phobe but is now in a full-fledged relationship, and The Roommate are dating men who fit them so well and I have seen how much joy they get from being in those relationships.

I look on their relationships with envy and really wish that I was with someone who made that much sense with me. Instead, I end up on dates with players, dickheads, crazies, and bores. Or on no dates at all.

And don’t get me wrong– I am so happy for my sister and The Roommate and can’t wait to see where their relationships end up (it’s like a real-life romantic comedy for The Roommate… and I have front row seats!). Their relationships show me that there are people out there who fit perfectly with another person. And it’s been so great to see the positive changes that have come from them being in those relationships.

I like dating, I like going out and meeting new people. First dates don’t give me any sort of anxiety and I’m never nervous about them– which helps me be relaxed and a good conversationalist. But I’m not meeting anyone who would be a good match for me.

Not by a long-shot.

I have a dating philosophy that says “I never say no to a request for a first date” (within reason, of course). My thought is that if a guy has had enough courage to ask me out on a date (or even for my phone number), I will oblige. And I will go with a positive attitude and hope that something comes from it. Unless I’ve known the guy for a while, how can I know how good of a match they’ll be for me if I don’t give them a chance?

But do I need to change that philosophy? Am I not being discerning enough, so I continue to end up disappointed more times than not? Or is that the “right” way to do it, and hope that eventually I’ll go out with “the one”?

And I’m not even asking for much at this point. I know that the shaming of single women is “you’re just being too picky,” which I honestly don’t think I am. At this point in time, all I’m looking for is someone who has a job, can carry a two-way conversation, I have chemistry with them, and he isn’t an asshole.

I feel like I’m too young to have to start lowering my bar/expectations. Or has 26 become the start for spinsters? Maybe it is– during a recent conversation with a friend, we started talking about how it’s nearly impossible to find someone who is not either: A) completely immature, B) recently divorced, or C) not looking for a relationship. Sounds like a list of the traits of my recent dates…

I don’t want to whine. I hate when people whine about “no one loves me!”

But I can’t seem to help myself. I’ve been doing everything I can to meet people out in my world (as opposed to online)– I’ve joined social groups, attended meetups, drank at networking happy hours, I’m currently captaining my kickball team, volunteering more– but none of that hasn’t seemed to get me anywhere. Yes, I’m making new/more friends, but any guys I meet at any of those get-togethers are unavailable, way older than I am, or sleazy.

I’ve been bound and determined to not get back into the online dating world because I REALLY want to meet someone “organically.” But more and more, I’m finding that that has really become nearly impossible.

Is online dating really the only way to meet anyone any more? Or should I continue to be a “Ted Moseby” and hold out hope that I’ll meet my future mister out about in my life?

I’m feeling down about this, and I refuse to let it bring my entire out-look on life down, but I also can’t shake the dark rain cloud that is lurking in the background, ready to swallow me if I give it more than a moment’s attention.

Thanks for listening to me whine. Hopefully getting this off my chest will help me get past it and just live my life and tell that dark cloud to go away.

To help cheer me up (and tell you where the title reference came from), I’m hoping Winnie the Pooh will help:

 

I spent my Saturday helping D with her graduation party, buying and making tacos to celebrate her graduation AND Cinco de Mayo! She’s now Dr. D with her PhD in physical therapy! CONGRATS, D 🙂

As I was sitting chatting with her various friends and family at the party, I started chatting with D’s sister and her husband. He is from Loveland, Colorado (not to be confused with the ski resort), which is only a few miles south of Fort Collins, and he was telling me about a scandal that happened at his high school with the football team.

Apparently the football players would spray their jerseys with PAM so no one could grip them to tackle them. As he was talking, I realized I’d heard that story before– straight from the source of one of the players who had done that… my ex, Voldemort.

Whenever I ask people if they know someone just because they went to the same high school, I hold little hope because I’m useless when it comes to other people asking me to play the the “do you know ___” game. I casually asked him if he knew “Voldemort” and his reply was “he was one of my best friends in high school!”

I then replied that he’s my ex!

He then told me “I friended him on facebook and found out he was getting divorced that week because he posted about having to go pick up the papers.” “Yup, that was me!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t believe it– someone else who knew Voldemort from a different time. Of course, they didn’t stay actual friends, but that didn’t surprise me in the least– Voldemort dumps friends faster than you can say “friends.” There was ONE person at our wedding that he invited who wasn’t related to him– because he didn’t have any friends from his past. (Major red flag #738 ignored!)

I then found out that he recently got married, which didn’t bother me at all. I’ve known Voldemort was engaged (and has been for a long time), so it was pretty inevitable that he would finally tie the knot. Now the clock has started to tick down until he does the exact same thing to this girl that he did to me. It’s his nature– it’s the way it continues to be modeled for him by his mom, so there’s no hope for redemption. I already pity the woman he just married…

It was quite the eventful graduation party! It also says a lot that finding out my ex got remarried didn’t bother me and I didn’t give it a second thought– except to tell all of you about it, of course. I’m always relieved that my heart has moved far past the hurt and pain that he caused me almost 3 years ago.

What is this? Two posts in one day? Crazy, I know! I started writing this post in my head last night, but I’m still not 100% sure if I need to write this just to process or if I would like some insight/advice from you, my readers. So we’ll see once I get to the end…

The drama with Funny Man has continued, and I’m currently at an impasse as to what to do next.

He hurt me deeply, and as of a few days ago, I never wanted to even talk to him again. However, after I got an email from him with no hint of acknowledgement of things that have happened between us (so he’s either clueless or calloused…), it got me thinking: we briefly dated, but we were friends long before that.

And there was a reason I was friends with him in the first place. And was attracted to him the moment I met him. I’m drawn to him and as I’ve seen, that draw does not seem to have gone away.

I no longer have romantic feelings towards him– his inexcusable behavior has eradicated those feelings forever– but I realized I still would like to be his friend.

The realization of this feeling came as a complete shock to me. But I don’t know what to do with it. As I told The Roommate last night, I’ve never dealt with this kind of hurt from a friend before. From boyfriends/husband, well, that’s a whole other story. When he hurt me, we were acting as friends, so coming to him as a friend is how I need to approach him.

But I’ve never had a friend treat me so shitty. Well, I’ve had friends who completely ditched me in my moment of greatest need, but I have no desire to continue to be their friends, so they get a pass.

The thought of talking to Funny Man and confronting him with just how terribly he treated me is terrifying! But when his email showed up on my computer, my heart started pounding and I realized I was so mad because I still cared.

Damn!

So, in light of this revelation, I don’t know how to go about initiating this discussion and then once that discussion has been planned, how to handle it. I don’t mind confrontation, but I can’t remember the last time I called a friend out on their crappy behavior. And that’s what is holding me up.

Do I care enough about our friendship to put myself through the whole ordeal? Or can I live with the realization that I care and do nothing to rectify the situation? And if I don’t confront him, will I continue to act passive-aggressively towards him or will I be able to just let it go and act impassively about/towards him?

I think I do care about our friendship. And I think I REALLY care about getting an explanation from him about everything that happened. And to tell him that his actions really hurt me, whether he was aware of it or not, and whether he cares or not. And I really hate acting so passive-aggressively towards him– I feel petty and bitchy. Instead, I’d like to feel empowered and like I stood up for myself in the face of a careless friend.

And, as the title of my post suggests, the biggest question I need to ask myself is this: even if I stand up for myself and confront him, can I forgive him? Or has his behavior caused an irreparable rift between us that I can’t muster the forgiveness to overcome? Before any confrontation happens, I believe that is the biggest question I need to answer for myself.

So wish me luck as I get up the nerve to email him to ask him to get together to talk. I’m really not looking forward to this. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement you can offer me? Because I really need it!

To end on a lighter note, if you don’t recognize where my blog title is from, watch this clip (and then watch the movie because it’s one of the funniest movies ever!):

When I was in high school, I was known as the “phase” girl in my youth group. (Background story: I was super-involved in church all growing up and into college. (I’ve taken a 180 degree turn from that life since then.) So to say that church and youth group were my life in high school would be a total under-statement). When we (being the girls) used that term, we referred to the girl who all the boys in the youth group liked. And their affections came and went– hence the term “phase girl.” But they all seemed to be in love with the same girl at the same time.

I believe I hold the record for longest time in that position, but no one kept an official count 😉 I knew all the guys liked me and I liked all of them. I flirted like crazy and was very friendly and uncharacteristically outgoing. I was friendly with everyone, not just the guys, and wanted everyone to feel included. Having struggled to make friends when I first came to that church, I made it a point to reach out and help anyone who was new to make friends and feel included. That plight ended up leading to my demise, but that’s neither here nor there.

That relaxation and not-being-self-conscious seemed to disappear once I entered college and by the time I graduated, it was pretty much gone for good.

I then got married, so flirting and interactions with other men was scarce and I had no need/reason to be that flirty.

But even after my divorce, that flirtiness never returned. And I’ve never been able to really relax when I interact with men.

I distinctly remember a session with my counselor about relaxing. I’m not talking about relaxing being a night drinking tea and taking a long bubble bath. I’m talking about the kind of relaxing around people that came so naturally to me in high school.

I didn’t care about what people thought, I was friendly and outgoing and enjoyed the people I spent time with. My goal to be “perfect” has ended up interfering with my natural friendliness and now I am rigid and awkward and struggle with just go with the flow.

My counselor had me sit on one couch like I would have in high school– I slouched and put my legs out in front of me– clearly comfortable and relaxed. She then had me sit in my normal chair (I literally sat in the exact same chair for 2 years solid… OCD much?) to show how I feel now. I crossed my legs and arms and sat up straight.

I don’t remember if there was even a “lesson” that was supposed to go with that exercise, but it’s one of the few sessions that I replay in my head pretty consistently. Deep down, I know what it feels and looks like to relax and just be myself. But those feelings seem to be eluding me.

During an email exchange with a new-found friend, I asked him about how to meet guys in the real world (as opposed to online). His answer was simple: be relaxed, smile a lot, and be friendly with everyone you interact with, even if it’s the person standing behind you at the supermarket– you never know what can/will happen because of those interactions.

As I read his advice, a vision of myself from high school flashed through my head. That girl is so different from who I am now, but I realized I envy her. I envy her relaxation and care-free attitude about life.

I wasn’t told any advice I hadn’t heard or even done before. But it was the reminder I needed that I can relax, be myself, be flirty and friendly. As a result, I’ll be happier with myself, my interactions with other people, and I just might finally attract the attention of a guy who values that kind of person.

I’ve dated guys who are attracted to my more mature attitude– no one ever guesses my real age– they either guess 17 because I look like a high schooler or 29 because I act a lot older/mature than people “typically” do my age. And I’ve ended up dating some pretty big a-holes… so clearly not being myself is not getting me anywhere good.

So thanks to Zak for the reminder to be myself. The real Kate is in there somewhere, possibly stuck back in high school, but maybe I can at least glean some advice from her about how to stop being so boring! Plus, I’ll have a lot more fun when I am my friendly self as opposed to the stuffy, rigid person I’ve been for the last few years.