I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation my mom and I had last weekend. We were talking about a topic that comes up with a lot of frequency within my family and with The Roommate– how women are portrayed in media.

I’ll save the rant for now, but one topic made me think more about my life than just how my age or gender are portrayed: they all encourage the passivity of women.

And it’s this passivity that has been nagging at me recently. It’s rare that things “just happen” to people. And most importantly in my life right now is that dating doesn’t just happen to someone. If you log onto a dating website, you’re being active and if something romantic happens, it’s because you took the time and effort to log on and interact. And if you go out “on the prowl,” you are inviting conversation by how you act and dress. And life, I’m finding out, is NOT like a romantic comedy where you happen to run into your soul mate while perusing the ice cream aisle at the grocery store…

And it’s this necessity of action that has inspired a new step in the dating process for me. As well as this quote:

There’s a time to let things happen and a time to make things happen

-Hugh Prather

I realized I’ve been waiting for dating to magically happen for me. I’m still digging my heels in about not doing online dating, I lament about all of my friends being coupled-up/married, and I realized I only know 4 single people! So my dating network is pretty limited.

So I’ve decided to stop sitting around being passive and make something happen!

…drum roll…

I’ve decided to host a singles party! I know that there HAVE to be people out there who are single and looking for a good place to meet others that isn’t a bar or online (Right? Or am I the only one who still insists on meeting someone “organically” (aka not online)?).

I’ve chatted with The Lawyer about it, and I’ll be chatting with my sparse group of singles friends to gauge interest. I’m hoping to have this be a fun and relaxed night and even if romance doesn’t happen, maybe some new friends can come out of this!

What do you all think? Is hosting a singles party corny and stupid (and desperate)? Or is it a fun way to mingle with other singles (I swear I didn’t type that on purpose) and possibly get connected to people who have gotten a stamp of approval by being invited by friends/trusted people?

Personally, I think it could be a lot of fun– but only if people are willing to come and put themselves out there. Otherwise, it’ll be me sitting at home with my mom’s delicious food (she’s going to cater the party) and hanging out with my 4 single friends (two of whom I know have a crush on me…).

Let the party begin!

I read these articles on the Daily Dish (here and here) and I’ve been thinking a lot about the post I was going to write in response to those.

I can definitely say that I fully agree with those articles. I believe friendship is the key to happiness– Yes, finding a romantic connection with someone for life is great, but if you’re lacking strong friendship connections, you will feel a lack of something in your life. A single romantic relationship is not enough to make you feel fulfilled or dynamic. Everyone needs more people in their life than their significant other.

Not only do I seek out new friends on a regular basis, I strive to be the best friend to people that I can. I have learned the value of friendship, especially as I went through my divorce, and want to be the kind of friend to people that I want them to be to me.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had me make (or offer to make) food for you for a birthday, a new baby, a celebration for something awesome happening, to meet new people, to make new friends, for a holiday… or even heartache. Yeah, that’s most of the people I know. Food is definitely one of my “love languages,” which I don’t hear anyone complaining about 🙂

What that shows is that I want to be there for people in the most fundamental and connecting ways possible– over a shared meal. But a night of talking over drinks is also a great way to spend my time!

All of these thoughts I’ve been formulating in my head for this post came to a complete collapse today when I realized I had let down a friend in a pretty substantial way. Thankfully (OMG, am I thankful), no one was hurt or harmed, and my friend will probably never know what happened. But I let her down and I was on the verge of being labeled “the worst friend in the world.” As I was wiping tears from my eyes on my way to her house, I had an epiphany:

I really do value friendships over all other relationships. The verythought of letting down a friend was sending me into hysterics, but I’ve been in romantic relationships where I act cold and calloused about how my actions effect them. I (hopefully) never do that any more, but I know that the thought of an upset or angry friend makes me more anxious than the thought of an upset lover.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that friendships are truly a choice. There’s a great quote that I have framed on my wall that says:

“Friendship is the only relationship that you have because you really want it, there’s nothing keeping you together other than that you want to be.” — Jean Theisen

Finding great friends is rare, and the idea of losing any of them makes me sad and anxious. As much as I’m a believer in fate, I have a harder time believing that any friend can be replaced, that they wont leave a giant hole if they ever weren’t part of my life in some capacity. For romantic relationships, it’s the ol’ “plenty of other fish” mentality that doesn’t have me so concerned. I think finding those friends who “just get you” is rarer and more precious than romantic relationships. So no wonder I value them so highly.

I’m always so thankful when I’m able to help and be there for friends in their moments of need. Yes, being there during the good times is great as well– don’t get me wrong– but it’s during the hard and difficult times that true friends show their true colors. And when I can be one of those friends who people can call when they need help, are in a bind, or need a shoulder to cry on, I love it. I know how refreshing it is to have those people in my life and comforting it is to have someone(s) in the world who isn’t blood related to you who will come to your aid at the drop of a hat.

So during this time when I am wishing I had a boyfriend, I sit back and marvel at the wonderful friends I have. I have the overwhelming honor of being in their lives, and I would hope they feel the same way about me.

Friends are so precious and I hope and pray I can continue to be the best kind of friend to everyone that I meet. I love you all!

You know how I said that Funny Man made me laugh and that was his (come to find out only) best quality? I love to have people make me laugh, whether friends, family or in a romantic relationship.

Well, I’m no longer laughing at or with Funny Man. The details of what has happened seem so silly and so 2012 in the world of facebook-overdrive. But no less upsetting. And like that, * snap * we’re over.

Needless to say, he made his way onto my sh*t list, on which there are only a handful of people.

We started out as friends, and I tried to maintain that connection through this weird break period. Now, because of his deceptive and dishonest behavior, he is no longer even a friend. I don’t handle boyfriends (or dates) lying to me, so I sure as hell don’t tolerate my friends doing it.

I’ve spent the majority of my time dealing with Funny Man being completely frustrated and confused, so I’m finally over it. I’ve been more upset and disappointed than I have been happy.

So I’m over him.

I read this quote on 100 First Dates (who got it from Sexy Typewriter), and I think it sums up my new dating philosophy quite nicely:

“I have learned exactly one thing from this whole “dating” business. It is this: never give a man a second shot at disappointing you, because he definitely will again. In new and special ways.”

As Don Draper said in Mad Men last season: “People tell you who they are, but we ignore it – because we want them to be who we want them to be.”

So no more ignoring for me! Now to find someone who wont disappoint me from the get-go…