For the past three years, I have participated in what is known as NaNoWriMo. I even took a hiatus from blogging last year when I did it last year. For those of you unfamiliar with the event, participants attempt to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. If you’re dedicated, it’s only 1,667 words a day that only takes about an hour to hour-and-a-half of writing a day. It’s not difficult and very manageable– even with a full-time job and a social life.

The first year, I wrote a novel that will NEVER see the light of day. Only The Roommate has read a passage from it (I wrote a sex scene in my book and had her read it while sitting in the middle of a crowded coffee shop). It was a story that had so much of my life/me in it, it was kind of embarrassing. The amount of projection that happened was appalling! I clearly needed to process through some things, and my story was where it happened.

And it was the worst, most cheesy story EVER! However, it did involve a Spanish chef, so that was fun to write about 😉

After a trip to Spain last year, I wrote a story about a matador for last year’s NaNo. I obviously have some sort of affinity for Spain…

I was so excited about that story! I had the ending in my head before I even had the full story outlined. I knew what I wanted the characters to be like and I knew where the story was going to end up. It was also themed after one of my favorite pictures, which I have framed in my bedroom:

“Billy Boys” by Jack Vettriano

My main character, Enrique Romero, was based off the guy second from the left. See how cool and suave he looks? So sexy!

I loved my story. I loved the characters. I really enjoyed trying to get the story to where I wanted it to end up, and was marveled at how brilliantly it worked!

I sent a copy of it to my parents, my sister, The Roommate, my friend who also did Nano and was eager to hear what they thought. I knew it wasn’t publication-worthy, but the ideas and themes and character development was what I was going for. Plus, I used places that I had actually been, so I could picture my characters there. I loved the entire experience of writing last year. I was proud of my story and I wanted to share it with everyone!

But then came this year…

I tried to write. I even got ideas from friends and family to help make the story fun. But my heart just wasn’t in it. I wrote just over 10,000 words and could not muster the energy to write any more. My characters were fun and entertaining– a cross-dressing boss, a hypochondriac secretary… but the story just could not come together.

I also realized I didn’t care. I didn’t care about my story, I didn’t care about “winning” (which is reaching 50,000 by Nov. 30), and I really didn’t care about my characters. I liked the ideas of where some of their stories were headed– a man following one of my characters home after a cruise and constantly asks her to marry him, a machete fight in the Amazon Rainforest, and money laundering through a travel agency– but I just couldn’t muster the creative juices to get my characters there. I wrote a fifth of my story and they hadn’t even begun doing any of those things…

So after a conversation with my sister, who helped me feel good about giving up on “winning,” I finally said, “enough!”

I know I set out to get novel #3 written, but I just couldn’t do it. But I feel good about it. I wasn’t enjoying myself and I didn’t like my story. And as my sister pointed out, I’ve written TWO novels! Not many people in the world can say that. So when I look at it that way, I really have succeeded.

I’ve convinced Company Ink to try it next year, so maybe he and I can be writing buddies and I’ll have more motivation when next year comes around.

But for now, I’m content with not fulfilling a goal I had for myself. But at least I tried. Maybe “Holland America Line” will be more developed when next year comes around and I can take another stab at it… or find a new story somewhere in my brain to write about next year.

Advertisements

Because my knee-jerk reaction to getting an apology email from Funny Man yesterday (after 4 months of absolute silence) was to write him a scathing email in return, I thought it would be more productive to write my thoughts/response here and never reply to his lack-of-taking-responsibility email. Plus, I don’t want him to know just how much he hurt me…

 

Wow, Funny Man. It took you 4 months to write an apology to me. Glad to see your conscience at least sort of works. You might want to work on your timing though.

And I must admit, your ability to write that entire email and never once take any sort of responsibility for your actions is quite impressive. I never knew that dating someone “just happens” to people. I must be going about this dating thing all wrong.

All it would have taken would have been to call, or even email me (although, if you did that, I would have called you a coward), about what was going on. Instead, you fleetingly mentioned a trip to Mexico and never responded to my email about who you were going with. So technically you never lied to me.

But the deception and misleading abounded. But no, you never lied. That must be a major distinction in your mind since you made a point to reassure me that “I never lied to you.” Do you really think that is going to make me feel better? I know what happened and I watched everything unfold– the issue isn’t that you lied, the issue is that you lead me on and never came clean about what was going on. Instead, you just slinked away and hid behind not responding to my email. You really are a quality guy.

Strangely, the most annoying part of your email was that you told me you saw me at the restaurant with my sister. My sister and I were so sure that we ran fast enough that you didn’t see us. Both of us are bummed about that. But that “bummer” was redeemed when you told me you saw me at The Rio. I did not see you there, so it makes me happy that I unintentionally completely ignored your presence.

You claimed in your email that you still consider me a “really special person” to you. If this is how you treat the “special” people in your life, I can only imagine how you treat and handle relationships with people you actually like. Also, I think that statement is complete bullshit, so you should have just kept that to yourself. It’s not at all reassuring. “Wow, Funny Man is such an asshole, but at least he thinks I’m special”…. yeah….

And lastly, Funny Man,  you broke my heart.

And for that, I don’t know if I can ever forgive you. You knowingly handled me and our relationship the way you did, so there is no justifying that away. Yeah, you found some pretty blond to be with instead. But you could have continued the “oh so honest” conversation our relationship took a break because of. It would have taken a simple phone call or conversation. Yes, it would have been hard. Yes, it would have been uncomfortable. But we could have probably stayed friends. Or at least I wouldn’t despise you to the core of my being.

You were one of my favorite people to be around and I’m really sad that that friendship is no longer there. I guess I should have kept my crush to myself and all of us could have been saved from this disaster. I pushed for something I wanted and it came back to bite me in the butt. I now know to be a lot more cautious when approaching a new love-interest. I’m trying not to let my experience with you taint how I open up and let myself be vulnerable with other people in the future. But boy is that a challenge.

Now that we work in the same building (the universe really is a bitch sometimes), I’m sure I’ll see you more often than I have. And I plan to continue to ignore you. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it if you somehow initiate a “hello” but we’ll cross that bridge if/when that happens.

So now you’re just another guy I used to know.

And good riddance.

Zak graciously let me steal this idea from him, and I wanted to share it with you all. I’m not a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions, because they all seem cliche and I forget all about them in about 3 days. However, when it comes to my birthday, I seem to have no trouble contemplating my future.

I want this next year, my 26th year, to be one of the best ever! I want to do and see things that either A) I’ve never done before or B) should do more often. I live in one of the best outdoor-activity states and I rarely take advantage of having the mountains less than 30 minutes from my house.

So, without further ado, here are my 26 to-do’s for my 26th year:

  1. Hike a 14er
  2. Canoe/kayak Dillon Reservoir
  3. Go to the Sundance Film Festival
  4. Snowshoe in RMNP
  5. Fall in love
  6. Get the full bonus amounts at work each quarter
  7. Go to Cheyanne Mountain Zoo
  8. Have brunch at the Broadmoore
  9. Grow a lush garden
  10. Learn to roast a chicken
  11. Travel somewhere that requires my passport
  12. Travel somewhere outside of the state
  13. Eat at least one thing a week from our CSA bag
  14. Learn to grill the perfect steak
  15. Throw at least one party/get-together a month
  16. Have a reason to wear each of my three LBD’s
  17. Go on a full-moon snowshoe hike
  18. Treat myself to a shopping-spree for new clothes for work
  19. Go to at least one concert
  20. See fireworks in DC
  21. Go hiking with my parents at least once this summer
  22. Jump in a pile of freshly-raked leaves
  23. Ride my bike every day to work in the summer
  24. Make limoncello
  25. Go to a game for each of the Denver professional sports teams (except the Nuggets– I hate basketball)
  26. Write my 3rd NaNoWriMo novel in November

Come February 28 (ONE WEEK!!!), let the games begin 🙂 I’d love it if I could cross off every single one of these– wish me luck!

Writing was light during the month of November, because I was busy accomplishing this:

I wrote a 50,000 word novel in 30 days!

It’s the second time I’ve participated in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), and I’ve won both times.

I like my book a lot more than last year’s (projection much? omg!), so I’m actually looking forward to having other people read it. I got really emotionally involved in the story, and felt overwhelming emotion over the death of my characters. It was the perfect ending and it was symbolic and deep– it’s perfect. I was excited to get to the end before I even started, and I got annoyed that I had to get the story to the place where the ending was epic and fully understood. The rest of the rest of the story needed to happen to have the ending make sense. I’ve titled my story “Suit of Lights” which is what a matador’s costume is called (traje de luces). Oh, I guess I should mention that my story is about a matador in the 1930s. He was a bit of an asshole, but it made him dynamic and a bit more interesting. And my lead woman was spicy and fierce, so of course she was fun to write!

Speaking of endings… I have some bad news, which has also added to the reason I haven’t been as present.

Last Tuesday, I opened a letter sent to my office that was being sent back from a woman accepting my job, starting today (Dec. 5). I of course burst into tears and found out I was losing my job. It’s dramatic and frustrating– I never had a formal reprimand and got all of my work done. But that doesn’t matter, because here I am, sitting on my couch without a job.

So there’s that.

I have a lot of job prospects and a lot of people helping me look for jobs and talking to people. I’ve already applied to at least a half a dozen jobs and I’ve only been at this for 3 days. I’ve already been in contact (for at least a couple of months) with two recruiters for 3 different jobs, one of which I’ve even interviewed for, so hopefully something comes from those. I have my fingers crossed that I will have a new job by the beginning of the year. It’s the holidays, so I can’t expect to get any sort of job, or even an interview, during this time… but we’ll see.

Please send positive job vibes my way, I could really use them. But at least I got paid through the 15th, so I’m technically being paid to sit in my sweats on this snowy, freezing cold day 🙂 It’s all about the silver lining, is it not?

I know you’re all on the edge of your seats, wanting to know what I have to say for day 24, but I have to let you know that I will be taking a break from blogging for the next month.

I am engaging in the event NaNoWriMo! I will be spending the next 30 days of my life writing a 50,000 word novel, so my dedication (or interest) in writing on my blog will not be there. I will be also writing with one of my best friends, so if any of you are interested in writing your own 50,000 word novel, come join us 🙂

I know I’m a few days behind with the 30 Days of Blogging, but I will resume them on Dec. 1 (or maybe Dec. 2 so I can sleep and let my fingers rest). If I feel up to it, I’ll probably post snippets of my novel on here to peak your interest. Because I can’t just leave you high and dry like that!

Love to you all and I will see you on the other side… as an author 😉