October 2010


I know you’re all on the edge of your seats, wanting to know what I have to say for day 24, but I have to let you know that I will be taking a break from blogging for the next month.

I am engaging in the event NaNoWriMo! I will be spending the next 30 days of my life writing a 50,000 word novel, so my dedication (or interest) in writing on my blog will not be there. I will be also writing with one of my best friends, so if any of you are interested in writing your own 50,000 word novel, come join us 🙂

I know I’m a few days behind with the 30 Days of Blogging, but I will resume them on Dec. 1 (or maybe Dec. 2 so I can sleep and let my fingers rest). If I feel up to it, I’ll probably post snippets of my novel on here to peak your interest. Because I can’t just leave you high and dry like that!

Love to you all and I will see you on the other side… as an author 😉

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Only being 24 years old kind of makes this a hard thing to answer because there are a lot of things I want to do that I don’t feel like it is too late to do– to label as “wish I had done” instead of “want to do.”

There is a time in my life that is over and I can never go back to that I have one regret over. I had the opportunity, as almost all college students do, to study abroad. I planned on doing it from day one, but ended up talking myself out of it because I knew, all I really wanted to do was to travel.

I looked up schools in England (London more specifically), and researched how close they were to the Chunnel/airport/etc. to be able to take weekend trips to mainland Europe. That was a huge sign for me that my heart wasn’t truly in the experience to learn, but to travel. However, looking back, I know that I still could have done a lot of traveling, even if I had classes to go to. In talking to others who have studied abroad, traveling is all they seemed to do!

My heart’s desire is to travel the world, and I regret not taking the opportunity when it was presented to me to explore the world in such a unique way. So I guess I’ll just have to make up for lost time and find an ideal travel partner and travel the world together!

(But it would have been so much better doing it on the school’s time…)

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life

The things that people would normally way would be a regret, I see as the springboard to changing into the woman I am today. However, there are parts of my past that I wish I could slightly alter.

Over the last year and a half since my marriage disintegrated, I have come to some very different ideas of relationships/marriage/etc. The biggest change I  have made in how I view how relationships should “go” is that I think EVERYONE should live with their partner before getting married. I wish I had been encouraged (and allowed myself) to live with my ex instead of getting married because I think we could have been saved a lot of frustration and anger in the long run. We would have also had an easier time seeing the disaster of our relationship easier if we didn’t have our marriage tying us together in the toxic relationship.

So if I could go back and change something, I wouldn’t completely remove the relationship from my life, but I would go back and change the label of our relationship. We would have been dating and living together instead of husband and wife. I wish I hadn’t gotten married, but lived with him instead.

I don’t really know why this is even a question, so I’m not actually sure how to answer this. This might be one of my shorter posts.

If it was anyone I knew who got in a car accident, I would be worried, and if I was close enough to them, would even get to the hospital asap. If a friend is a best friend, that’s even more of a reason to be concerned and proactive. I don’t know why a fight would deter my concern for their well-being.

So if my best friend got in a car accident, even though we’d had a fight an hour before (no matter what the fight was about), I would haul ass to get to their side. No further explanation needed.

Whoever came  up with these blog post ideas kinda dropped the ball on this one…

I grew up around alcohol, with parents who were deliberate about exposing me and my sister to drinking for the enjoyment, not to get drunk. So alcohol has never been the “forbidden fruit,” because my parents would let us taste what they were drinking– whether wine, liquor, etc. Most of the time, I made a sour-lemon face (I wear my thoughts/feelings on my face), so that also helped to deter me away from drinking like a fish later in life.

I’m a total lightweight– duh! considering I only weigh 95 pounds. But I also am extremely sensitive to alcohol. I’ve gotten better at not getting sick any time I have more than 2 drinks in a night, but I still could never “get wasted.” I also don’t like the feeling of being drunk, so that is never my end goal– getting drunk, or even tipsy, comes as a surprise to me since I’m drinking for the enjoyment, not necessarily the buzz.

I do have a favorite drunk story, however, because it completely embodies my experience with alcohol. About 95% of the time, if I drink too much, I won’t get drunk, I’ll get sick. It’s quite pathetic, I know. However, I went to a friend’s housewarming party, all in the hopes of making new friends and experiencing new things. There was alcohol everywhere! Throughout the night, I had 2 (very strong) jello-shots, a margarita, and some beer in a game of flip-cup. For most people, that’s not a lot of alcohol, but man oh man, it hit me unexpectedly like a ton of bricks. One minute I was totally fine and completely drunk the next! I went and sat down on a chair and tried to get my eyes to focus on the floor, but the floor wouldn’t stop moving. It then dawned on me that I was drunk… and more importantly, I was drunk and wasn’t getting sick in the bathroom. It was actually one of the most exciting moments of my life. BUT there was no one there who could appreciate what an accomplishment not getting sick from alcohol was– I only knew two people at the party, and at the time were not good enough friends to share the moment with. My excitement had to wait until the next day where I could call people who could appreciate my accomplishment from the night before.

Am I a cheap date or what? 🙂

I’m actually at a loss as to how I want to answer this/these questions. I could give you my beliefs/views or I could talk about the subjects in general. I guess I’ll just do a combo of the two.

My thoughts on religion have drastically changed over the last year or so. After being part of protestant churches since I was born, I started getting frustrated with the way churches handled… well, everything– money, beliefs, politics, relationships, outreach, doubts, etc. I have never fit into molds very well, which has caused a lot of friction with church leaders. I’ve never been one to sit back and let things slide when they don’t make sense. “Why are we doing it that way? Where’s the money going? What’s the money being used for? What’s the purpose of this particular talk?” Big surprise that I’ve never been the teacher’s pet…

I was attracted to the more “edgy,” atypical, “emergent” churches because they seemed to be more open to talking about flaws in the system, brokenness of humanity, and accepting outsiders. However, there continued to be problems. When I would think I completely jived with the overall message and mission of the church, the leaders up and changed directions.

I finally had it with churches. I went from one church to another that started out awesome, so full of hope and vision– and turned into a pile of self-serving crap. So that probably explains as to why I haven’t been to church in almost 2 years. Those particular churches (I’m actually not sure if one is still in existence) work for some people and the churches caters to them very differently than they ever did to me (although, I do have to say, I met some of my best friends through my last church, so at least there’s that).

Over the last year and a half, I have become more open and accepting of other ideas, not letting “fear” deter my thoughts and discoveries. I’ve found numerous blogs that spoke messages that made so much more sense to me as to the way of the world. And even more than that, helped me feel not as isolated in my feelings of the downfalls of (pretty much every) church. The flaws in thinking, the greediness, the hypocrisy, the exclusivity, and the closed-mindedness of many churches and their attendees.

Religion no longer makes any sense to me. God no longer makes sense to me. Religion seems more about power and influence than an actual way of life and thinking. I know very good, gracious, loving people who are religious, and I’m not talking about people as individuals, but religions as a whole. I’m still in exploration of what I really think/believe, but I know that the religion that I grew up with no longer fits with me. I’ve fought like hell to be able to fit into the perfect  mold of a “perfect Christian.” And I’m done fighting, because I know that I will never win that fight. I will never fit that mold.

And to fit that into my thoughts on politics, I’ve always hated that Christianity is automatically assumed to be associated with the Republican party. And if you don’t vote Republican, you aren’t a true Christian. I know that there are Christians who vote Democrat, but it’s usually not announced publicly, and definitely not encouraged within the church. I know someone who was part of a very conservative Christian group and someone “found out” that she was going to vote for Obama. Some guy cornered her and “accused” her of “going to vote for him” (as if that’s a sin??) and she replied “you mean, vote-d. I already did.” Why did she have to answer to this guy? Why did she have to be part of a secret part of that group who had voted for a Democratic president?

Because, let me get this out and I’ll get off my soap-box, there are more of Jesus’ teachings that line up with the Democratic party’s ideals– helping the poor, helping women, helping children… but it all gets ignored because heaven-forbid Democrats believe that women are allowed to make decisions for their body and their life! It makes me sick that politics and religion are so intertwined in our country. We’re not a Christian nation– the founding fathers weren’t even Christians! They were not establishing a “Christian nation”– hence the “separation of church and state.”

Okay, I’m off my soap-box now. I’m not looking for a debate about this stuff, and I’m not attacking anyone one person in particular, but groups of people in general. I know there are always exceptions. But those few exceptions are not who I am talking about.

**I’m not going to tip-toe around this issue. I’m going to be blunt and honest, so just keep that in mind. If after reading this post, you would like to talk to me about this issue, please let me know. This issue needs to be talked about!**

What an appropriate topic, since this is the topic that is at the forefront of my (and most of the country’s) mind right now. There isn’t much else right now that will get me more upset or fired up than the treatment of GLBT people in our country (or our world).

I’ll come out and say my stance and then go from there: I PROUDLY, AND UNASHAMEDLY, SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE.

It makes absolutely no sense to me when people state their opposition to it. I used to be more understanding in the sense of “as long as they have done their own “research” and have come to some sort of conclusion based on it, I can respect their standpoint.” I’m no longer there. I can no longer understand anyone’s opposition. Because any argument against it sounds and looks like homophobia. Just because someone is different than you is not a reason to treat them poorly or encourage (and pass laws allowing) the discrimination of GLBT people– whether anti-gay marriage, saying bullying of GLBT people is okay (and even sanctioned by the Bible), etc. I’ve never been this grounded in my viewpoint in regards to a controversial issue before. Usually I’ll sit quietly by and just let everyone have their opinion, but not with this. Not when so many people are being so blatantly discriminated against and hated.

Religious reasons are not a good enough reason to be against gay marriage. If people actually read the context of the three “mentions” of homosexuality, they would realize it’s actually against child rape and group sex. But even if people don’t research it, why should the views of one religion dictate the secular laws of our country? If a church doesn’t “agree” with gay marriage, then don’t perform the ceremony in your church. Why should your “religious convictions” prevent two people from committing their lives to each other and get the benefits of marriage (hospital visitation, estate inheritance, and yes, even tax benefits)? Their relationship has nothing to do with yours!

Other people’s marriages have no effect on someone else’s marriage– my marriage to my ex didn’t make someone from getting married, and my divorce didn’t make any of my friends or anyone else get divorce. My marriage decision and my decision to get a divorce was  a personal choice and effected me and only me. To say that the marriage of two people of the same-sex will affect anything about the sanctity of marriage or the definition of marriage or will ruin marriages in general is just bullshit. If saying that gay marriage will change marriage for the worse, then people who are “supporting traditional marriage” should be rallying against divorce and fighting to make that illegal. It’s hypocritical to say nothing about what heterosexuals are doing to marriage (50% divorce rate, in and outside of the church), but fight so hard against homosexuals getting married.

Speaking of “traditional marriage,” here’s a video that talks about how “traditional” marriage is:

Marriage’s purpose is not to procreate. It is a commitment between two people to create a life together and if children are part of their lives, then that is a personal decision between the two people in the relationship. I could go off about this part of the argument, but I’ll refer you to this post that sums up the flaws in this argument perfectly.

People have a right to love and marry who they want. If someone isn’t gay, they don’t need to marry someone of the same-sex. Simple as that. Allowing homosexual couples to marry and have ALL of the same rights as heterosexual couples will do nothing to the sanctity of marriage. I will fight openly (for the first time in my life) for the rights of people who are different from me only in who they choose to express their romantic love/affection to. They deserve the same rights to live their lives like they choose– not as outcasts, not as second-class citizens who are “civilly unioned”– I mean really, people only want to call it something different to make sure homosexual couples are continually reminded that they are “different.” I really don’t see what the big deal is to let them marry.

It is my hope that in my lifetime I hope for two things: One, that gay marriage will be allowed and recognized all over the country. And two, that we will look back on our country’s treatment of the GLBT community in the same shock and shame that we look back on the treatment of women, blacks, inter-racial marriage, etc. These people deserve our support. I will do all that I can to help raise awareness and support for this cause. There is NO REASON that homosexual couples should not be allowed to marry.

And because this video is awesome, I’m wanting to share it (beware of strong language…). Here is the site if you want to get a shirt or find out more information: http://fckh8.com/FCKH8.com/FCKH8.html

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