What is this? Two posts in one day? Crazy, I know! I started writing this post in my head last night, but I’m still not 100% sure if I need to write this just to process or if I would like some insight/advice from you, my readers. So we’ll see once I get to the end…
The drama with Funny Man has continued, and I’m currently at an impasse as to what to do next.
He hurt me deeply, and as of a few days ago, I never wanted to even talk to him again. However, after I got an email from him with no hint of acknowledgement of things that have happened between us (so he’s either clueless or calloused…), it got me thinking: we briefly dated, but we were friends long before that.
And there was a reason I was friends with him in the first place. And was attracted to him the moment I met him. I’m drawn to him and as I’ve seen, that draw does not seem to have gone away.
I no longer have romantic feelings towards him– his inexcusable behavior has eradicated those feelings forever– but I realized I still would like to be his friend.
The realization of this feeling came as a complete shock to me. But I don’t know what to do with it. As I told The Roommate last night, I’ve never dealt with this kind of hurt from a friend before. From boyfriends/husband, well, that’s a whole other story. When he hurt me, we were acting as friends, so coming to him as a friend is how I need to approach him.
But I’ve never had a friend treat me so shitty. Well, I’ve had friends who completely ditched me in my moment of greatest need, but I have no desire to continue to be their friends, so they get a pass.
The thought of talking to Funny Man and confronting him with just how terribly he treated me is terrifying! But when his email showed up on my computer, my heart started pounding and I realized I was so mad because I still cared.
Damn!
So, in light of this revelation, I don’t know how to go about initiating this discussion and then once that discussion has been planned, how to handle it. I don’t mind confrontation, but I can’t remember the last time I called a friend out on their crappy behavior. And that’s what is holding me up.
Do I care enough about our friendship to put myself through the whole ordeal? Or can I live with the realization that I care and do nothing to rectify the situation? And if I don’t confront him, will I continue to act passive-aggressively towards him or will I be able to just let it go and act impassively about/towards him?
I think I do care about our friendship. And I think I REALLY care about getting an explanation from him about everything that happened. And to tell him that his actions really hurt me, whether he was aware of it or not, and whether he cares or not. And I really hate acting so passive-aggressively towards him– I feel petty and bitchy. Instead, I’d like to feel empowered and like I stood up for myself in the face of a careless friend.
And, as the title of my post suggests, the biggest question I need to ask myself is this: even if I stand up for myself and confront him, can I forgive him? Or has his behavior caused an irreparable rift between us that I can’t muster the forgiveness to overcome? Before any confrontation happens, I believe that is the biggest question I need to answer for myself.
So wish me luck as I get up the nerve to email him to ask him to get together to talk. I’m really not looking forward to this. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement you can offer me? Because I really need it!
To end on a lighter note, if you don’t recognize where my blog title is from, watch this clip (and then watch the movie because it’s one of the funniest movies ever!):
Making Limoncello Out of Lemons 
April 11, 2012 at 12:47 pm
What do you want Funny Man to say? Will any explanation really be what you want to hear? Why are you wanting to continue your friendship?
Let’s just say he cares and he says he’s sorry and that he didn’t realize (or mean) to hurt you. Will that be enough? What if you tell him you want more and he doesn’t concede or give it to you? What then?
What about if that’s who he is, and he doesn’t think he did anything wrong (or even if he admits he did)? What if he is who he is and things won’t change? You can’t change his behavior. He has to do that, and how do you know he’d want to?
Just asking. Best advice is: why are YOU choosing to do this, and what will make YOU happy? Express that to him, if you decide to go that far.
April 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Zak–
Your questions have given me a lot to think about and mull over. My gut answer to your questions is “no, it wont change anything even if he apologizes.” Whether he meant to treat me that way or not, I don’t want to be around someone who treats people like that. But thankfully there’s no time limit on if/when I say anything to him, so I can take my time and really come to a good place about this.
So here’s a new question: in response to your final question, I think what I really want is just to tell him how what he did made me feel. Essentially, I want to bitch him out. But I really don’t want to hear an excuse or explanation– as I said a few sentences ago, it wont change anything. So, the question is, is sending an email cowardly/passive? Or would confronting him directly the “right” way to handle it? What do you think?
April 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm
If you don’t want a response, but want to express yourself, you can go either way. However, I still fall back on this: you can’t make him NOT give you a response. He might respond, and knowing you, you’ll want to hear it (even if you don’t), and it will potentially make you unhappy.
Think on it a few more days. I think that’s a great idea. Choose what makes YOU happiest. That’s all you can do.
July 12, 2012 at 10:45 am
[…] were one of my favorite people to be around and I’m really sad that that friendship is no longer there. I guess I should have kept my crush to myself and all of us could have been saved from this […]