Something I hate about myself… Well, what a way to start this off, trying to think of the things I dislike about myself and publish it on the internet. But I’ve become all about transparency in my life, so what better way to do that then be real about something I’m trying to change.

The thing I dislike (I don’t like using the word hate) about myself the most is my overpowering need to be right/perfect all the time. I know it sounds a bit cliché, but I have realized lately just how much of a role that viewpoint plays in my relationships and everyday interactions. Even if I’m not voicing my superiority, I’m definitely thinking it and probably judging you because of it. I have the absolutely hardest time saying I’m wrong, and if I do, it’s not said until there seems no other way out of the argument without saying it. Don’t get me wrong, I feel remorse and feel apologetic, but I hate actually admitting it.

This post’s content is probably no revelation to my sister, who has had to deal with this aspect of me and our fights since she was born. I can still remember her standing outside my bedroom door, waiting for me to stop holding a grudge and “just get over it” and apologize. I think it, I feel it, but the words just escape me.

It’s something I’m working on every day, and struggle against it in every single fight and argument I find myself in. Because, why admit fault when it’s so much easier to point out someone else’s? But I desire closeness, connectedness, and love, so I am working so hard at not letting my pride stand in my way of connecting with the people I love the most. Because I know what it’s like to get a genuine apology from someone who has hurt me, so I want to reciprocate and do the same– without hesitation.